The Hobbit: The Unexpected Adventure
by EveryFandomAtOnce
Summary: A teen from an apocalyptic world is dragged into Middle Earth via trash can. She lands in the Shire one year before the quest for the Lonely Mountain. P.S. do you think elves would make good flags?
1. The Trash Can Incident

Her breathing was ragged. Her lungs burned and her tongue felt like a piece of sandpaper. She was determined to keep going, she had to. Her life literally depended on it. She couldn't stop, at least not yet the moaning sounds of the zombies were still too close. A few more minutes went by before she risked glancing back. They were farther back now, she could no longer make out where one body of rotting flesh began and where another ended. Slowing down to a jog she went on for a little while longer. She went on till she could no longer see anything behind her. Panting, she slowed to a walk.

"Huuuuu boy," she said stretching. Breathing in deeply then exhaling harshly. "I hate when that happens." Stopping to stare at the houses lining the street, she picked the least rundown.

As she made her way to the abandoned house she upholstered her gun. Holding it at the ready, she made her way in. The door creaked as she forced it open. Cautiously making her way inside she decided it looked bigger on the outside. The front hall was an open space, the stairs were off to the left. She ignored them for now. Opting instead to head down the hallway to the right. She kept close to the walls as she moves forward, listening for any sounds that would indicate danger. The hallway leads to a dining room which opened up into a kitchen. Across the hall from the dining room was a bathroom and an office. She cleared the downstairs rooms, making note of the kitchen as she walked back to the front of the house. Inching her way up the stairs she discovered a landing that narrowed into a thin hall. There were four doors in this hall. Three lead to bedrooms the other to another bathroom, all of them, however, were empty of life. Searching the entire house and finding no dangers she declared it safe.

"Home sweet temporary home," she muttered holstering her gun. She walked back down the stairs. Pausing to lock to the front door, then heading in the direction of the kitchen. She made a beeline for the pantry hoping to find some surviving food items. The pantry was small with lots of shelving. It looked like it hadn't been touched for a while, there was a fine layer of dust coating everything. She moved towards the closest items to her. Coughing as the dust got in her lungs when she swiped it away from the label on a protein bar, she was disappointed to see the expiration date was a month ago.

"Those are just suggestions." She muttered, placing the box of them off to the side. Still willing to eat them if she could find nothing else. Moving on to the next group of items, her day was made, there were 7 cans of food.

"Cans of what is the real question," going to pick one up she was finally able to make out the label that read 'Peaches'. "Yes!" she exclaimed her smile stretching wider. She didn't use to get so excited over peaches. The thought made her laugh bitterly, her good mood momentary slipping away. She used to get excited about new movies or going on vacation in the summer. That was two years ago, She was almost sixteen now. Looking through the rest of the cans she found another peach, three cans of peas and three cans of soup. One tomato, another chicken noodle, and the last a vegetable soup. Continuing on she found stale crackers and chips, some uncooked rice, uncooked noodles. She left the rice and pasta reasoning that she couldn't waste valuable water on cooking.

This was one of the best houses she had ever squatted in. They even had bottled water. It was obvious to her that this place has not been ransacked until now. She dug around in her backpack for her water bottles.

"Where are….ah HA!" She called out triumphantly, pulling out her two large, metal, water bottles. "There you are." she put the two down in front of her before pulling the third from its place hanging from the side of her bag. She unscrewed them all and fill them with the water from the bottled water. Screwing the caps back on she places them back in their proper spots. She plops herself down right there in the pantry and reaches for a leftover bottle of water. She takes a sip sighing in contentedness as it soothes her dry mouth. She reaches for a bag of stale chips, opens it, and starts to eat them. Chasing them down with the heavenly tasting water. When she was full and the bottle empty she packed her bag with the food items she had scavenged. She had a large tactical backpack she had found in an army surplus store. It held everything she needed. She started a mental checklist as she repacked.

Two changes of clothing

Can opener

Mess kit

her water bottles...definitely couldn't forget them.

Canned food

A coat,

Two boxes of ammo for her gun,

Some hygiene supplies, like soap and toothpaste and feminine products.

The bag also held little baubles she had grown attached to over her *travels*. After packing she went upstairs and into the bedroom that she guessed belonged to a girl. To raid the closet. Her mouth pulled downwards into a frown, sure it was clean and relatively new but none of the clothes were more functional than what she had. She sighed and looked at her clothing in the mirror hanging from the closet door. Her brown t-shirt was covered in blood, grass and dirt stains. Her cargo pants had the same stains and were tucked into her black combat boots. Her semi-automatic rested in a gun holster strapped to her thigh and her machete hung from her belt. Her arms were covered in dirt and scrapes. Her hair was filthy, it looked browner then it did her norman red. Her bright emerald eyes had dulled, and she had bags under them like she hadn't slept well in weeks. Her cheeks were marred with dirt. She looked awful.

"I need a shower," she informed her reflection, before dragging her eyes away from the mirror and swung her bag off her shoulder and placed it at the side of the bed. She fell back onto the bed not taking off her boots or gun. She fell asleep on her back one hand by her face the other resting on her gun.

Sunlight streaming through the window woke her up. Swinging her legs over the bed she reached for her bag. Bringing it towards her she dug threw to it to find some crackers. Opening it she just sat there and crunched on them. Allowing herself to wake up slowly. Once the bag was empty she picked up her bag from its place beside the bed. Swinging it onto her back she clipped the front straps together to keep it from slipping off. She quickly and quietly left the house. On the lookout for zombies or unfriendly people, she surveyed the street outside. After she was sure it was clear, she started to walk.

She was still walking hours later but she was surrounded by skyscrapers now. The tall, towering buildings looked worn down. Some of the windows were broken, doors open. There was trash littering the sidewalks, the wind even blowing some paper down the street like tumbleweeds. If this was a movie she might have scoffed. But this wasn't. This was real. This area, even, wasn't a particularly safe place to be, nowhere really was anymore, but especially not in a city. Going through them, however, was faster than going around.

*CLANG* She spun, startled, toward the sound. It had come from the ally to her right. Pulling out her gun she slowly moved towards the sound. Making her footsteps as quiet as possible she slipped into the ally. Stalking forward she checked behind the first dumpster she came across. Nothing. She kept to the wall as she moved further in. Checking behind everything that was large enough to hide someone behind. There was one more large dumpster at the end of the ally. Smaller, metal, trash cans had fallen around it.

'That probably was the source of the noise' she thought as she crept toward it. Moving around the smaller cans she sharply turned 90 degrees. Nothing.

"Huh?" She gave a breathy laugh. Still looking around warily. "I could have sworn I-" She was cut off as her feet were pulled out from under her. She gave a surprised yelp as she fell. Crashing to the ground, all the air in her lungs left her. Gasping for breath she looked at her feet. Nothing. There was nothing. No hands as she expected there to be. And that was what freaked her out most about this situation. She was getting pulled by nothing, how could she fight back? Her feet disappeared first. Followed by her knees. She struggled. Trying to find something, anything that could help her. Her stomach was under now. She had had to twist her body to avoid having her ribs smashed constantly against the edge of the dumpster. She tried pushing against the edge. For all the amount she pushed against the metal, the thing pulled harder. She was just hanging on now. Everything but her arms, the tops of her shoulders and head were gone. It gave one last violent tug. Then she was gone.

(Hobbiton, Third Age 2940)

When she next woke up there was a very small man staring at her. 'Maybe the man isn't quite the right word,' she thought while staring at the creature in front of her. He was short and couldn't have been more than three feet tall. His hair fell in ringlets and almost covered his ears. Which she was startled to notice ended in a curved point. His clothing was slightly odd as in he looked like he was from the 18th century. An embroidered vest over a white shirt tucked into pants, odd pants but pants, that ended at his calves. This was not the oddest thing about him, however, what was most alarming about him was his feet. They were probably the same size as a grown mans maybe even bigger and the top of them was covered in a tuft of hair. The hair started at the curve where foot met leg and stopped just before his toes. That she could see because he wasn't wearing shoes.

"Uh….A-Are you alright Miss?" The man asked nervously. She stares at him trying to evaluate his threat level.

"I believe so," She said slowly while pushing herself up into a sitting position.

"Oh good," He sounded relieved. "I had believed you to be dead when I first saw you."-he smiled-"I'm glad you're alright." She relaxed a bit and decided that the man was genuinely concerned.

"I'm glad I'm alright too," She joked with a small smile. "I'm Razena Ryan, nice to meet you."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, I'm Bilbo Baggins."

"Well Mr. Baggins, could you tell me where we are?"

He paused. "The Shire, lady Ryan, are you quite sure you're alright?"

"Yeah I'm good, but here's the thing. I was in a place called Little Rock, Arkansas," she started to panic. "I was in Little Rock, now I'm here." Razena's lips pursed together and she took a deep breath trying to stop the breakdown she was on the verge of having. " I don't suppose you happen to know the way back to Arkansas?" At his negatory answer, she sighed "Of course not."

"Where is Arkansas?" Bilbo inquired.

"It's the US, it's to the right of Texas."

"I'm sorry, I've never heard of a US."

"The united states of America? Canada? Mexico? Nothing?" she was getting desperate now. Bilbo shook his head. She laughed, hysterically. Only half noticing Bilbo's concerned look.

He glanced at the sky.

"It's getting pretty late, why don't you stay with me tonight. Just until we figure out where you come from and how to get you bac-"

"No!" she cried cutting him off. "I don't want to go back." _Why would I?_ She thought. _I'd rather stay here, I don't know where here is but it's got to be better._

"Alright," he continued once he got over his shock. "You don't have to go back. Still, stay with me till we can figure out somewhere for you to go." She stopped laughing to stare at him, amazed, mouth open.

"You've only just met me!" in her disbelief her eyebrows tried to disappear into her hairline. "I could be a murderer for all you know! Or you could be a murderer."

"I think you're lost, clearly far, far from home, and in need of some help. I'm certainly not a murderer." his stance was open, honest. She didn't know this place, and the sun was going down. It painted beautiful purples, pinks, and oranges across the horizon. Without the sun the forest around them was getting darker. And while Razena was sure she could survive outside, alone. She didn't want to. She smiled up at Bilbo.

"Thank you." Bilbo just smiled.

"Right then, this way," He turned and gestured for Razena to follow. She scrambled to her feet not wanting to be left behind. The walk there was beautiful. The rolling hills were covered in green grass and golden field of what might have been wheat. When they got to the top of one of the hills, Razena stared wide-eyed. There where little men and women everywhere. Some were transporting goods buy a cart that was pulled but a pony, others were walking down pathways like the one she and Bilbo were on. Most had smiles on their faces as the leisurely went about their days. Greeting each other as the past, it seemed like everybody knew everybody or if not everyone than close to it.

"Woah," She breathed standing stock still. It's so peaceful. She caught Bilbo watching, he seemed caught between concern and content. He continued walking and a few seconds later she followed. During their walk down the path, they passed many small people with large hairy feet.

" I don't want to be rude, really, but what are you?"

"Just Bilbo's fine and I'm a hobbit," He answered.

"A hobbit?"

"We're not well known outside the Shire, it's so rare that any of us travel. We love the comforts of family, food, ales, and pipeweed," Bilbo explained to her.

"There aren't any Hobbits where I come from."

"Really?" He asked an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, just humans…" She trailed off, ending the conversation. It wasn't long after that, that they arrived at around green door leading into the side of a hill.


	2. New Beginings

RAZENA'S POV

As Bilbo and I walked through the doorway, I had to bend down a slightly to keep from banging my head on the door frame. I straightened as soon as I was in and bashed my forehead against a hanging chandelier. I reared backward holding my head, groaning.

"Owwwww," I glared at the offending object, rubbing my throbbing head. "Stupid chandelier."

I heard a cough from behind me, was probably trying not to laugh at me. Recovering his composer, he leads me down the hall towards what I assume are the bedrooms.

"That one's mine if you need anything," He pointed toward the only closed door in the hall. "You're free to choose a room, all the others are open."

I looked down the hallway amazed. "Wow! Are all of these bedrooms?" I asked poking my head into several rooms.

"Oh yes, this smial was built with a great deal more hobbits in mind. I-" He swallowed. "I live alone at the moment. Lots of empty space," He got this far off look in his eyes and his lips turned down at the corners.

"Smial?" I asked hoping to distract him.

"Oh," He blinked, his eyes clearing. "That's what we call our homes."

I poked through the rooms again before deciding on the one with a window. After making sure both the door and the window had locks. Just because I was pretty sure Bilbo wouldn't do anything, didn't mean I was right.

 _Better to just be cautious,_ I thought, testing the locks. I looked around the rest of the room. The walls and floors were wooden but there was a rug that peaked out from under the bed. The bed itself had wooden posts, cream-colored sheets, and a colorful quilt. It looked a little small, I imagined my feet would just peak over the end.

 _It must be huge for hobbits. Most of them looked to be around Mr. Bilbo's size._

I stood at a good five foot seven. Just an inch above average. I usually wasn't the tallest but at the same time, I wasn't the shortest. The dresser was pushed off close to the right corner and maybe came up to my hip. Next to the dresser in the corner of the room was a chair.

It looked strong enough to hold me. Even if it looked like it would be a bit awkward, like going back to your elementary school and sitting in a first graders chair.

"I'll run you a bath, then cook us some supper, I quite believe we've missed dinner," Bilbo informed me before walking off to the bathroom down the hall. I scrunched up my face, confused.

"Aren't they the same?" I muttered, dropping my bag on the chair near the window. Deciding it was too dirty to put on the bed. I pulled out a pair of tan cargo pants, a black tank top, and some underwear and debated grabbing my limited, ever-shrinking supply of soap.

"Mr. Baggins?" I called turning to the hall. "Do you have soap I could use?"

"Of course," He walked back down the hall. "The bathroom's this way." He leads me down the hall which curved a little. He stopped at a door before opening it. Inside the sink and toilet were right next to each other. There was a chair and some shelving across from them and in the far corner, there was a tub filled with steaming water. "The bar is for your skin and the bottle is for your hair." I stepped into the bathroom and gave him a thankful look.

"Thanks for this Mr. Baggins, I really appreciate it."

"It's really no problem," He waved me off. "I'll get supper going while you bathe. And as I said before you can call me Bilbo." He headed towards the kitchen and I shut the door turning to the chair to set my stuff down. I locked the door before striping. Setting my gun and machete carefully on the sink and throwing everything else carelessly onto the floor. I climbed into the bath and sighed as my muscles relaxed in the hot water. I wondered for a second where the hot water came from. As there wasn't a faucet leading into the tub, there was, however, a pipe for draining the water. I noticed the pump behind the shelving, it was the kind I used to see in movies. With the lever behind the spout. That Still, didn't explain why the water's hot. I was pretty sure hot water didn't come out of those. I decided a minute later I really didn't care and began washing. The water turned a darker and darker shade of brown until it looked like mud. I finished quickly, wanting to get out of the muddy water as fast as humanly possible. After getting out, I reached into the tub and pulled the plug holding the water in. I rubbed dry with the towel being careful of the scrapes I had discovered on my forearms. I figured they must have been scratched by the edge of the dumpster in my desperate attempt to hold on. They hadn't hurt until I had rubbed soap over them.

 _Like putting hand sanitizer in a paper cut you have no idea was there._

After putting my clothes and boots on, I picked up my stuff and opened the door. I walked out, arms full. Wandering down the hall in the direction I thought the kitchen was in. I was very careful to watch my head not wanting a repeat of earlier.

"Mr. Bilbo?" I called. I heard shuffling before 's head peeked around a corner from the end of the hall.

"In the kitchen, lady Ryan."

"Razena," I corrected heading over to where I had seen his head. "What should I do with my clothes?" He turned and raised his eyebrow seemingly amused.

"Give them to me, Miss Razena I'll wash them." I scrunched my face up at the use of miss, but I suppose it was fair, I had called him Mr. Bilbo. I rolled my eyes.

"I can wash them," I insisted. "You're already doing so much for me."

"It's no trouble, I assure you." He smiled, kindly.

"Alright, Mr. Bilbo, but only this once," I gave in, handing my clothes over to him keeping my weapons.

"Right supper's almost ready. It should be done as soon as I'm done washing these," he lifted my clothing a bit, before walking away.

"Is there anything I can do help?" I asked following him down the hall. He glanced back.

"Oh no, no, I've got it, what kind of host would I be if I asked you to work."

"You're not asking me," I argued. "I'm offering. I don't have anything to repay you with sooo," I shrugged, "I figured I'd do chores or tasks you don't want to do. Help out, so I'm not a complete freeloader." Bilbo stopped and turned to stare at me.

"If you must insist on helping," he sighed. "I left supper over the fire could you keep it from boiling over?"

I grinned feeling better with something to do. "You got it!" I about faced and walked back to my chosen room to put my stuff down. I slipped the pocket knife I kept in my boot into my pocket for better access. Then quickly walked back to the kitchen.

I noticed the abnormally large pantry across the hall from the dining. The kitchen was large with a small table in the middle. There was a large stone fireplace with a pot hanging over it. Above the pot was a place for a plate to be placed like a stove top. Bilbo's cast iron pots and pans were hanging from hooks in the ceiling. Under the circle window overlooking the garden, was a sink that's handle was also pump. The countertops were made of gray stone, and the cabinets under it a dark wood. I inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of the cooking stew. It was making my mouth water. It had been a while since I had last been able to eat a home-cooked meal. I sat there, silently for a few minutes before growing bored. I searched my mind for the last song I had heard then started whistling it. I could only remember half so I just repeated it over and over. The liquid in the pot hanging over the fire bubbled higher and higher. With some alarm, I noticed it was close to boiling over. I stood quickly, nocking the chair back but not over. Staring at the pot, I realized I didn't know what to do.

 _What do I do?! Do I take it off the flame? Put the fire out?_

I decide taking it off the fire was the best idea. My head swiveled desperately trying to find something to pick up the hot pot with. I spotted a cloth hanging off a cabinet handle.

"That I'll work," I grabbed it and using it as a glove grabbed the handle of the pot. I hefted it off the hook almost spilling it from miss judging the weight. Then set it down on the counter.

"There," I said nodding my head once. "Now it won't boil over." I let it sit like that until it was no longer boiling up the sides then put it back over the fire. Bilbo walked in a few moments later.

"Oh, good, it hasn't boiled over."

"It almost did," I laughed. "I took it off let it cool for a bit."

"Oh, well wonderful, thank you. Take a seat," He gestured at the table. "I'll get us some bowls." He grabs two bowls and spoons and fills the bowls with stew. He set one in front of me and the other in front of the chair he's going to sit in. He doesn't sit like I expect him to, however, he moves on to a cabinet and grabs a loaf of bread and a knife. He sets them on the table before going back to the cabinets. He opens one and I'm surprised to find that it's not a cabinet but an ice chest.

I _'m not gonna even try to figure out how that works here._

He grabs out the butter before finally sitting down.

"Would you like some bread?" He asks reaching for the knife.

"Sure." I lifted my spoon to my mouth to blow on some of the stew.

"With or without butter?" He inquired, pausing to look at me.

"Uh, with butter please." he hands me a piece of buttered bread before making his own. I stick the first bight of stew in my mouth.

"Oh wow!" I exclaimed. "This is really good !" He beamed and explained to me how complementing a hobbits food was one of the highest compliments one could give. His smile lasted the rest of the night as he patiently answered all of my questions. Like 'what was the difference between Dinner and Supper?' Then laughed at my amazed 'hobbits eat how many meals?' I could tell laying in my bed that night, full for the first time in a long time, that we were going to be friends.

* * *

The next week Bilbo took me to a hobbit seamstress to get me more clothes. We had struck a deal, I dressed and acted somewhat proper in public and in the smial he said I could act however I normally would. I allowed Bilbo to order me some skirts and a dress if he also got me some trousers. I was just thankful that Hobbits ended their skirts around the mid-calf. There weren't any shoes in the Shire because Hobbits didn't need shoes. their soles were like leather. My only pair of shoes were my boots, but I was ok with that. The grass was soft enough that most of the time I was outside without shoes.

I stayed with Bilbo for two weeks, two turned into four, then to twelve, and I just never left. Bilbo never looked for another home for me either. He asked to Adopt me as his ward on my seventeenth birthday. Most of the hobbits knew me by sight now, if only because I was tall.

(One year later)

"I'm going out Bilbo!" I shouted rushing to the door.

"Be back by Luncheon!" was shouted back at me. I ran down the path, my skirt flying behind me, the sun making the hue of my hair lighter.

I explored the East-farthing woods again, climbed trees and played games with the flaunts of Tookland. When I noticed the position of the sun, I quickly said my goodbyes to the flaunts and sprinted back to bag end. I dropped into a cautious walk once I noticed someone new was talking to Bilbo. Two things made me weary, one was that this male was as tall as I was and the other was Bilbo's body language. He was tense, uncomfortable, with the man in grey himself or their topic of conversation, I couldn't tell. I walked a little faster.

"Good morning," Bilbo politely dismissed the man and turned to walk inside.

"To think I should have lived to be 'good morninged' by Belladonna Tooks son as If I was selling buttons at the door," the old grey man barked, offended. Bilbo, squinting turned back to the man.

"I beg your pardon."

"You've changed, and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins."

"Bilbo! I'm back," I announced, cutting into the conversation. I addressed the man politely. "I don't believe we've met, I'm Razena,"

"I am Gandalf, an old friend of Bilbo's"

"He's never mentioned you." I kept a polite smile on my face. _Go away._

"Gandalf," Bilbo muttered. "Gandalf, not the wandering wizard…who made such excellent fireworks? Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve." He paused then laughed nervously. "Heh, heh. Ahem. No idea you were still in business."

Gandalf's eyes narrowed. "And where else should I be."

"Depends, how old are you?," I muttered under my breath. His head snapped towards me.

"What was that, my dear?" He asked kindly, but I heard the sharp edge under it.

"Uh. Nothing," I said quickly, probably too quickly if the smug face was anything to go off of. He turned back to Bilbo.

"Well, I'm glad you remember something about me, even if it is just my fireworks." He nodded as if we'd just decided something important. "So it's decided. It'll be very good for you," He glanced over at me and I felt if I was included in that statement. "And very amusing for me. I shall inform the others."

 _Wait, what?_ "Others? What others?" I asked. Bilbo seemed to have the same thought as me.

"Inform the who? What? No. No. No... Wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank you. Not today. Not… I suggest you try Over the Hill or Across the Water. Good morning," He protested. "Come inside, Razena," He instructed, before rushing to the door. I followed, but I didn't think Gandalf had listened to Bilbo's protests. Bilbo slammed the door after me, locking it firmly, before handing me the mail. There was a scratching sound on the door, he peeked out the window trying to find out what Gandalf was doing. He jumped back a second later in surprise when Gandalfs' face popped into the window like a jack in the box. He very quickly walked to a different window. I glanced out the window he abandoned. All I could see was the back of gray robes and a ridiculous pointy hat.

"What was that about Bilbo?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing." he seemed to be trying to convince himself.

I didn't believe him. I knew it had something to do with an adventure, a weird old wizard and whoever the others were. I didn't push it though, I had a feeling he knew as much as I did. Though I had a feeling we'd be finding out what was going on soon.

"Alright, What's for lunch?" I smiled, changing the subject.

He breathed a sigh of relief and proceeded to explain to me what he'd prepared.

* * *

Thank you MissCallaLilly and mercutios for commenting.


	3. Dwarf in The Market

The incident with the wizard was all but forgotten. I told Bilbo of my morning over luncheon, we both laughed at the stories of me and the flaunts played hide and seek in the woods. I helped clean up the kitchen after we were finished eating. Before Bilbo and I sat down in his study and he continued my lessons. We had discovered early in my stay with him that while English and Common were the same spoken, the writing was very different. It had taken him more than half a year for him to teach me to read and write. He was now teaching me all he new of Sindarin. Reading, writing, speaking, he even told me of some stories his mother told him from her travels to Rivendell. I loved the stories of Lord Elrond and his prankster twins. I don't know what it was with twins and practical jokes. Their had been a pair in my math class, that had always played jokes on their fellow classmates and even the teachers. I could read and speak Sindarin pretty well, it was the writing that was tripping me up. Bilbo had me translate sentences from Common to Sindarin then read them outloud to him. After about an hour of language I help Bilbo out in his garden. He and Hamfast have been attempting to teach me to garden. After about a year I'd have to say that I don't think It's going to well. I can plant and weed decently but I just can't seem to keep anything alive by myself.

I kneel over Bilbo's garden, my knees and toes digging into the soft dirt and the sun shining down on my back. Causing sweat to bead on the back on my neck as I weed Bilbo's garden. I finally decide I've bent over long enough, when my back starts cramping and decide to check on the firewood supply. I push myself up to my feet, and wipe my hands on my skirt. Leaving streaks of dirt that I'll have to wash out later. I make my way over to the shed where we keep the excess firewood. Me, Bilbo, Hamfast and his family use this wood shed. I notice that it's getting low, less than half full. I grab a few logs cradling them in my arms I make my was inside the smial. Making sure to wipe my feet. Not only would I have to clean the floors but I would get a long lecture from Bilbo on remembering to wipe my feet. I pushed the cracked door open and walked to the kitchen to stalk up from the last four meals. I had to make another trip to fill the pile by the fire place in the living room. I grabbed the ax by the shead before heading to where we keep our cart. It's wheelbarrow-ish as it has two wheels and I can push and pull heavier loads but it looks like a cart you'd see a donkey pulling. I set the ax down in the car before running back inside to grabbing some pies to trade for wood. Dragging the cart down the path toward the woods. There was actually a hobbit, his name was Clover, who lived near the woods, which was around a half hour walk, where his job was to plant a tree for every one cut for firewood. That was all he did, hobbits would come by cut a tree down for wood give him something, haul the tree back to their smials to cut it to the desired size. Then Clover dug the trunk and roots out and used it for his own wood. He traded off the excess. He would then plant a sapling grown in a pot into the hole from the trunk. His wife Marigold helped in a large wheat field, that feeds all the families who worked on it and gave them something to trade at the markets. I saw Clover cutting a trunk with his ax on another trunk.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Clover," I greeted, waving holding the cart with one hand.

"Ah, good afternoon Miss Ryan, lovely to see you," He paused his chopping to greet me, leaning on his ax and smiling.

"Have you planted the replacement yet?" I asked gesturing to the stump.

"Oh no, not quite yet, I've yet to finish removing the roots."

"Oh would you like some help, I'd be happy to finish chopping that for you," I offered, smiling at him.

"Thank you, Miss Ryan," he smiled gratefully. "I could really use the help today."

"Oh? Busier than normal?" I asked walking up to him. Pies in hand.

His face turned pink in embarrassment. "Well no… just got a little distracted earlier is all." He handed me the ax, I handed him the pies. They were his flaunts favorites.

"Distracted? That's unlike you Mr. Clover," I lifted the ax over my head.

"Well you see, my Marigold was off visiting relations a little ways off from here, when she came nearly running back." I brought the ax down on the trunk and listened to him interested. "She says there's Dwarfs in the Shire. Big, tuff looking ones armed to the teeth." I brought the ax down again. "She dragged me inside, to tell me all the details. She was so very excited about the whole thing. I'm not sure what to think about it. As long as they don't disturb anything I can't see the harm in them."

"How many did she say there were?" I turned the smaller pieces of wood over and brought the ax down again.

"She says she saw six, she rarely ever sees dwarfs as they only come in spring to trade, to see some now is rather odd."

"It is," I agreed finishing up the trunk. I put them on his pile, for him to use or trade later.

"There's a decently sized tree near the back of my shed if you like that one, Miss Ryan," He offered taking his ax back.

"That would be great, thanks Mr. Clover!" I smiled brightly at him moving to grab my cart-barrow thingy. I pulled it up the hill towards his shed. He was right it was a nice size. Not to large that it wouldn't fit in the cart but not too small either. I set to work cutting it down.

An hour and a half later I drag the chopped up tree back to Bag End. I'm covered in sweat and thirsty by the time I get back. I drop the cart by a stump near the woodshed and go inside to get something to drink.

It's around afternoon tea, I hope Bilbo still has something out.

In the kitchen, Bilbo's just finishing up his meal and gestures for me to sit. In front of my chair is a glass of water and a cookie. I fall into the chair and gulp down the water. I don't mention the dwarves to Bilbo, who's still upset about the conversation with Gandalf.

"Once you finish with the wood, could you make the trip to the market, for me?" Bilbo askes. "I'd go myself, but I have a some business to sort out with one of the farms contracts."

"Sure, I'll go. What do you need?"

"Some fish for supper tonight, and some more milk and eggs for biscuits," He paused. "I believe we still have some some old toby, you can exchange."

"The one you said was really good but wouldn't let me try?" I tease

"When you're an adult you can smoke," he pursed his lips. "But until then I'll not have you doing it."

"I'm messin' with you, I don't actually want to smoke."

* * *

I finished my food quickly, before heading down to the market. I liked that I could walk down sweaty and almost no one would care. I saw one of the dwarves. He was taller than I expected a dwarf to be. Balding, he was wearing armor and furs. He had brass knuckles attached to his gloves and two giant axs strapped to his back. He looked like he was prepared to take on a dragon, he gave off this warrior vibe. The hobbits were avoiding him like he actually had a personal space bubble. He had stopped at a fruit stand but the hobbit running it seemed to be to scared to move.

Well, we could use some apples

I walked over to the stand. Standing next to home I was maybe 8 inches taller.

I'd guess he's around 4'11'

"Hello Mr. Yarrow," I greeted. He relaxed a little.

"Miss-Miss Ryan, Good Afternoon" he stuttered. "What can I do for you?"

"Mr." I looked over to the dwarf. His eyebrows raised.

"Dwalin." He grunts

"Mr. Dwalin was here first, Mr. Yarrow." I reminded him. He crossed his arms across himself and looked everywhere except us.

"Ye-yes, right-right forgive me, what can I get you?"

Mr. Dwalin grunts out an order for peaches and scurries away to fill it.

"Sorry about him," turned to Dwalin. "I'm Razena. Nice to me you."

"Dwalin, at your service," he bows his head a bit.

"Good choice with the peaches by the way, I may be a bit biased though as they are my favorite fruit. And I've really got to apologize again, Mr. Yarrow isn't usually like that," I leaned down and jokingly whispered, "I think it's your boots, Hobbits are terrified of 'em." I wiggled my bare toes.

He grunts, I can't tell if he's amused or annoyed but I don't let it affect me. I'll probably never see him again. Mr. Yarrow comes back with his order. Dwalin pays and I wave to him as he walks off.

"Bye, Mr. Dwalin. I hope you enjoy your peaches." I grin loopyly at him.

The corners of his lips turn up. "Bye, lassie."

The rest of the market trip is uneventful. I buy two fishes. I wrinkle my nose at Bilbo's dinner choice but don't complain, remembering I could be eating canned food.

* * *

I bathed when I got home, then changed into tan trousers, and a loose white blouse with a black leather bodice on top. It had a two inch strap over each shoulder and laced up in the front. It ended in a point around my belly button. I thought I looked really cool. I sat in the kitchen with Bilbo, talking and telling jokes till dinner was ready. Bilbo served us a fish, carrots and potatoes. Bilbo had just started squeezing a lemon on his fish, when there was a banging on the door. I glanced over at Bilbo confused.

"Did you invite someone?" I asked. Maybe he forgot to tell me?

"No, did you?"

"No." Bilbo gets up to answer the door. I hear their muffled voices.

"Which way, laddie?" came a familiar voice from the hall. "Is it down here?"

Oh my God, is that Mr. Dwalin?

"Is what down where?" Bilbo asked

"Supper, he said there would be food, and lots of it."

"He said? Who said?" Bilbo questioned. Mr. Dwalin walked into the smial and took off his cloak and then stride towards the kitchen Bilbo trailing behind him. Dwalin paused when he saw me.

"Hiya, Mr. Dwalin." I gave a little wave.

"You know him?" Bilbo asked, surprised.

"I just met him in the market today," I admitted. Bilbo seemed to realize that his guest was still hungry and gave him his dinner. We both watched, amazed as Dwalin scarfed it down.

"Very good, this. Any more?" He asked with his mouth full. I picked up my plate and slid my fish onto his. He seemed ready to refuse.

"I don't like fish too much, anyway." He hesitated for five more seconds before digging in. I looked at the potatoes and carrots still on my plate and handed it to Bilbo.

"I couldn't..." he tried to hand the plate back. I grabbed two biscuits and shoved a third in my mouth, ending his argument. He sighed and accepted the plate. He sat down to eat and had just finished when there was another knock on the door.

"That would be the door," Dwalin said lowly, glaring at Bilbo.

"Nooooo," I said sarcastically under my breath. "I thought something had fallen over." Dwalin got up and walked towards the front door, I followed. The was another dwarf at the door. He was shorter than Dwalin and had white hair and a santa-ish beard. He also carried a weapon, a sword that hung by his hip, he wore furs and less armor than Dwalin. He could have been a trader as he dressed like the dwarven merchants that came earlier in the year. The new dwarf spotted Dwalin.

"Oh, Ha ha, good evening brother." They walked toward each other.

"By my beard," Dwalin laughed. "You're shorter and wider then last we met."

"Shorter," The new dwarf corrected. "Not wider. Sharp enough for the both of us." They smashed their heads together really hard.

That had to have hurt. I winced in sympathy but they were just laughing like they didn't just try to give themselves a concussion.

"Are you alright?" I ask.

"Aye, lass, we're unharmed." Dwalin answered. "This is my brother, Balin."

"At your service." He bows slightly from the waist.

"Hi, Razena, uh, at yours." I awkwardly bow a little, because it seems to be something they do.

Did I do that right? I must have because they went right back to talking with each other.

"Oh, excuse me, I hate to interrupt," Bilbo begins. "But the thing is, I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house." They both ignore him.

"Have you eaten?" The shorter dwarf askes

"It's not that I don't like visitors," Bilbo continues. "I like visitors as much as the next hobbit. But I do like to know them before the come visiting." The dwarves were still ignoring him, digging threw the pantry.

"I know Mr. Dwalin." I interject unhelpfully. Bilbo glared at me unamused.

"You met him today! Anyway I don't know either of you. Not in the slightest... I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind," He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." The dwarves paused.

The shorter one said very seriously, "Apology accepted."

I snorted, not believing that the scene was actually happening in front of me. They went off to do their own thing and Bilbo and I just kinda stood there for a second. Then there was another nock on the door. Bilbo, very warily, went to open the door. I watched over his shoulder. He pulled it open, standing in the door was two dwarves around the same height.

"Fili" The blond dwarf with the braided mustache begin.

"And Kili" The dark haired on with the stubble added.

"At your service."

They took turn speaking and finished together, and bowed simultaneously. They were dressed much like Balin, in furs and armor. They were a walking armory, they had knives, daggers and short swords on them. Kili had a bow and arrows too. They looked very prepared for any attack on them.

"You must be ." Kili smiled like a puppy

"No! You cannot come in! You've come to the wrong house." Bilbo was getting increasingly frustrated. He tried to close the door but the dwarves stepped in to try and understand what was happening.

"What?"

"Has it been canceled?"

"No one told us."

"What?" Bilbo said confused. "No, nothing's been canceled."

"Well, that's a relief," Kili sighed pushing open the door. Fili struts right in, like he owns the place. He piles knives and daggers into Bilbos arms.

"Careful with these. I just had them sharpened."

"Then why don't you take care of them yourself?" I asked unimpressed, one eyebrow raised.

"I do not know where they should go."

"Then you should ask, and then place them there yourself, if you're so worried," I shot back, he faltered. "Mmhmm, that's what I thought."

Kili laughed. "She has you there Fi," he spun looking around,

"It's a nice place this, do it yourself?" he started wiping his boots on Bilbo's mothers chest.

"No, actually, it's been in the family-" He turned to look at Kili after dumping Filis stuff on a bench. "-that's my mother glory box!" He shouted. "Could you please not do that!"

"Fili, Kili come give us a hand," Dwalin ordered

"Mr. Dwalin," Kili laughed as Dwalin lead him away under one arm. "Shove this in the hallway, or else we'll never get everyone in."

"Everyone?" Bilbo's voice broke. "How many more are there?" He was ignored.

They started to move the table. This is a disaster. I remembered an antique chair Bilbo has and moved to hide it. I came back after staching it in Bilbo's room. There was another knock at the door.

"No. No. There's nobody home!" Bilbo shouted angrily. "Go away and bother somebody else. There's far too many Dwarves in my dining room as it is. If this is some clot-head's idea of a joke…...I can only say it is in very poor taste." He pulled open the door, and a then a pile of dwarves were on the floor. They groaned and elbowed each other. I move to help some of them up while Bilbo stares at the lone standing figure in the door.

"Gandalf," He sighs

The first dwarf I help up had an ax stuck in his head. I jumped upon noticing it.

"Holy!…" A dwarf in an odd flopping hat, laughs at my reaction not at all concerned. "Are-are you alright?" He says something back in a language I can't understand.

"Aye, he's alright, lass. An old injury 'e can't speak common anymore, but understands it just fine." The hatted dwarf tells me.

"Oh, as long as you're alright. I'm Razena, at your service." I bowed and straitened quickly.

"Bifur," the dwarf with the ax in his head introduced himself. Bowing his head.

"Bofur, at yours"

"Are you related?"

"Aye, cousins"

"So Fili and Kili?"

"Brothers."

"Ah okay so if your names rhyme you're related?"

"Not always but most of the time."

"Huh." I say dumbly. Bofur slaps my shoulder and moves on into the smail. There are two other dwarfs who had waited by the entrance.

"Dori, at your service." Dori was an older dwarf with white hair and an elabraitely braided hair do.

"Ori, at your service." Ori was one of the younger one of the dwarves here. He had what looked like a bowl cut and a short beard.

"Razena, at yours" I smiled. "You can come on in I guess, no use staying here, everyone else is already inside, or further inside." I led Dori, Ori and Bifur further into the madhouse.

"Those are my priz- excuse me not my wine!" I could hear Bilbo trying to bring order to his own home. And from the sound of things, it wasn't working. "Put that back! Put that back!" "Not my jam please." "Excuse me. Excuse me." "That's a bit obsessive isn't it? Do you have a cheese knife?"

"Cheese knife? He eats it by the block." I heard Bofur answer, so at least they all weren't ignoring Bilbo.

"Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf."

"Yes, Dori?"

"Could I interest you in a cup of camomile?"

"Oh, no, thank you Dori, a small glass of red wine for me, I think."

I stood in a doorway and watched the chaos dwarves were moving every which way carrying food, chairs, and mugs of ale. Bilbo trying to stop all of them. Gandalf started naming off dwarfs as they walked by him.

"Uh, Fili, Kili. Uh...Oin, Gloin. Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur...Dori, Nori. Ori!"

Bifur made some wild hand gestures that I thought might be their sign language and grunted something in their language.

"You're quite right Bifur, I believe we're one dwarf short."

"He's late is all," Dwalin informed him, leaning one shoulder on the wall one arm crossed the other holding a pint of ale. "He traveled north to a meeting of our kin, he will come."

"Mister Gandalf, your wine as requested. It's got a fruity bouquet."

"Oh, cheers." Gandalf held the tiny glass, it looked like a shot glass in his hands. I was gone in a single swallow.

He deserved that. It should have spilled down his beard.

All the dwarves were eating at the table now and I checked the state of the pantry. I stood frozen unable to believe it.

"This- that-this was so post last a hobbit- a hobbit- weeks," I stuttered looking at the almost empty pantry. Bilbo had walked up behind me and I turned to face him.

"Do I even want to look?" Bilbo questioned but the look on his face told me he already knew the answer.

"You really don't." He looked anyway, and we both just stood there. I knew I should have protested the dwarven invasion more than I had. I hadn't tried to stop them at all. It amused me, to be honest. I was still kinda angry, their disrespect made my skin crawl. The feeling was just covered up by the tidal waves of amusement.

"Come have a seat, lassie," Dwalin called motioning to the empty seat he made beside him by squishing closer to the dwarf with the hearing trumpet. "Eat."

I gave Bilbo an apologetic look but my stomach was rumbling. I leaned down closer to Bilbo.

"I'll try to rescue some food for you," I straitened then sat at the table.

"Lassie this is, Oin, Gloin, Fili, Kili, Dori, Nori, Ori, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, you've met Balin," He pointed everyone out. I got a chorus of 'at your services'

"Razena, at yours." I replied with what I was pretty sure was the polite response. They went right back to what they were doing. I fought to get some food on a somewhat clean plate. I large hand full of food was dropped on my plate. I looked up at the dwarf that the arm belonged to. Dwalin had grabbed some of the harder to reach food and gave it to me.

"Thanks Dwalin," I smiled at him. He grunted what sounded like a 'you're welcome' and looked away. I stuffed all the food that could be put into my pocket, in my pocket and ate what was still on the table. Dwalin proceeded to dump his drink down Oins' ear trumpet, which the dwarf then stuck in his mouth and blew. The drink flew across the table and onto other dwarfs. There was lots of laughter, I am not ashamed to say I joined in.

The dwarves were having some sort of drinking contest they were sloppy with mead running down their beards….nevermind It was a burping contest.

Is this even real? I was included in some of their conversations and we were soon finished eating. They went to wander around the hall and kitchen. I found Bilbo and made him eat the food I had saved. Then he went on fussing over his belongings.

"Excuse me, that's a doily not a dish cloth!" Bilbo scolded the hatted dwarf, Bofur I reminded myself.

"But it's full of holes?" He questioned holding up the doliy.

"It's so post to look like that it's crochet." Bilbo informed him.

"And a wonderful game it is too, if you've got the balls for it," Bofur joked, and out came my inner 12 year old. I giggled at his joke. Bofur grinned wider, Bilbo glared and stalked off. Still giggling I followed.

"Bebother and confusticate these Dwarves!" grumble fists clenched and jaw tight.

"My dear Bilbo, whatever is the matter?" Gandalf asked

"Maybe it has something to do with you inviting people to his house without telling him?" I remarked dryly. "Now I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure that's very rude, and a very fast way to lose friends."

"What's the matter?" Bilbo asked rhetorically. "Resena's spot on, I'm surrounded by Dwarves! What are they doing here?!" He whispered, quite done with the whole thing.

"Oh, their quite a merry gathering once you get used to them."

"That doesn't answer his question at all." I pointed out. Gandalf shot me a look. I raised a brow unimpressed but shut my mouth, for now.

"I don't want to get used to them!" Bilbo whisper shouted. "Look at the state of my kitchen, there's mud trod on the carpet, they've pillaged the pantry, I'm wont even tell you what they've done in the bathroom. They've all but ruined the plumbing. I don't understand what their doing in my house!" Bilbo ranted slowly getting louder.

"Wait. They did what to the bathroom?"

"If you have to go tonight Razena, go to the Gamgees." Bilbo informed me, lips pressed tightly together.

"Oh wow, that bad?" my eyes widened in surprise.

"Yes, Now Gandalf what are they doing in my house?!" Bilbo barked. Before Gandalf had time to answer Ori, walked up.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt," he began shyly. "But what should I do with my plate?"

In the background I could hear the pounding of feet, the clashing of metal and what I guessed were fists on the table. The dwarf with the braided mustache, Fili, confidently walked up to Ori.

"Here you go Ori, give it to me." He plucked the plate right out or little Oris' hands and chucked it across the hall to his brother. Who then turned around at threw it behind his back to someone in the kitchen.

I'm assuming someone caught it, there wasn't any shattering

Fili continued to throw plates and Gandalf dogged out of the way.

"Did he really...just.." I wondered at the dwarves' audacity. He'd just thrown Bilbo's nice plate, right in front of Bilbo. Dishes started flying through the air, I dodged flying plates and bowls as best I could. The ones I couldn't, there was a dwarf to pull me away or catch it before it hit me. The flying vessels of food, sent Bilbo into a panic.

"That's my mother's West Farthing pottery, It's over 100 years old!" He shouted alarmed at the dangerous situation his dishes found themselves in. He ran trying to get them to stop throwing them, while doing that he passed the table where dwarves were stomping and rubbing knives together.

"Could- could you please not do that you'll blunt them."

"Ooooo, did you hear that lads? He says we'll blunt the knives." Bofur mocks. My annoyance rose at the treatment of Bilbo.

"Blunt the knives" Kili started, tossing another plate to his brother.

What is this, a musical?

"Bend the forks." His brother continued singing, catching the plate.

"Smash the bottles and burn the corks." Others joined in. Fili juggled the bowls between his elbows.

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates."

"That's what Bilbo baggins hates!" Was screamed, then all hell broke loose

"Cut the cloth, treat on the fat," Ori was bombarded with plates as the others stacked the plates in his arms, it went above his head. Then Dwalin bounced a mug off his head.

"Leave the bones on the bedroom mat" Bombur was eating the food off the plates handed to him by Dwalin. Balin looked done with all their shit as he tossed the dishes behind them for others to catch.

"Pour the milk on the pantry floor." I watched as Kili threw a knife at Bifur. I was ready to shout a warning but he turned around and at the last second.

"Splash the wine on every door."

"Dump the crooks in a boiling bowl."

"Pound them up with a thumping poll"

"If you're finished if they are whole, send them down the hall to roll."Bofur had pulled me of a flying plate and I danced as he started to play the flute. Suddenly they was instrumental music and everyone was doing something from playing an instrument. Gandalf was laughing at their antics and smoking his pipe. Everyone except Bilbo was having a blast.

"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" Everyone finished, Bilbo pushed his way to see, the clean dishes safely stacked on the table. Everyone merry and laughing around him, his expression was funny.

"Nice dancing, lass," Bofur complimented.

"Thank you Bofur, you play the flute really well."

The laughter dies down completely as there as are three loud thumps on the door.

"He's here." Gandalf says with a heavy tone.

"Wait, who?" I asked confused.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who commented

MissCallaLily: She may remember she may not, we haven't decided


	4. A Wonderful Party

The door opens and a tall black haired dwarf stood in the doorway. I couldn't tell if he was trying to look majestic or if he was just a natural. Either way, he was probably high up on the food chain. He was dressed in furs and a cloak which only kind of hid his weapons.

"Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice. I wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door." Wow, the dwarf had a baritone, I shouldn't really be surprised after the twelve others I've met tonight. He and Gandalf were friends or friendly acquaintances as the dwarf raised an amused eyebrow and his deep voice was light and teasing.

"Mark?" Bilbo asked, he took a few steps toward the door as if to check for himself then thought better of it.

"Hold up, there's no mark on that door. I painted that myself, no less than a week ago." I argued stepping out in front of the dwarves and next to Bilbo.

"There is a mark on that door, I put it there myself," Gandalf informed us almost sounding embarrassed.

"That's vandalism," I told him, grumpy. I had been really proud of how that door turned out.

"Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company: Thorin Oakenshield." Gandalf waves a hand toward the dwarf who raised a regal eyebrow and gives Bilbo a slow once over and not in a good way.

"So...this is the Hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?" He asked condescendingly, then strutted into the smial like he owned the place. My opinion on him dropped, like a rock thrown off the top of the empire state building.

"Pardon me?" Bilbo blinked, confused by the irrelevant question. The dwarf turned to Bilbo, towering over the poor hobbit.

"Ax or sword? What's your weapon of choice?" Thorin continued in a stared down his nose at Bilbo.

Bilbo puffed out his chest and tried to seem confident. "Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know…" He lost all his bravo and quietly continued. "...but I fail to see why that's relevant."

The dwarf humphs and turns slightly towards the others. "Thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." There was laughter from the group of dwarves behind him.

 _Ah hell no, that's my hobbit you're trying to insult._ I stepped out in front of Bilbo and stared down at the rude dwarf. My eyebrows drew down in my anger.

"Wooooow," I drawled out sarcastically. "Award for the most polite house guest, right here. Whoever taught you manners, obviously failed," I pushed my lips together. "That stuff may be all right where you're from," I scrunched up my nose. "But they're polite folk here."

"Razena-" Bilbo tried to scold me, even if it was half-heartedly.

"Yeah, I'm being really rude, but I'm not sorry Bilbo. You don't deserve to be treated like this." I stand there as tall as I could. Glaring at the especially rude one, I would not break eye contact first. We stared at each other neither wanting to back down. I couldn't tell you how long it was before he let out a huff and stalked away. The rest of the dwarves stare at me for a moment longer, I stared right back. They dispersed soon after. I took a few calming breaths before patting Bilbo on the back smiling fondly at him. I walked slowly to the dining room and leaning against the wall. Right behind Dwalin and Bifur who just glanced back at me.

* * *

Thorin had, somehow, managed to find some uneaten food and was eating it at the head of the table.

"What news from the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?" Balin asked Thorin.

"Aye. Envoys from all seven kingdoms." He confirmed eating some of the soup I didn't even know we had.

"And what did the Dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?" Dwalin asked staring at Thorin. The stared for a few seconds before Thorin shook his head.

"They will not come," Thorin announced gravely. "They say this quest is ours and ours alone."

"You're going on a quest?" Bilbo questions, drawing their solemn gases to him.

"Sound like something from a video game," I muttered. "What's the boss, a dragon?" I asked sarcastically under my breath. Gandalf, Dwalin and Bifur heard my snarky comment and looked back at me funny.

"Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light," Gandalf said peering over his shoulder at him. Bilbo was quick to fetch a candle. Holding the light over the map Gandalf was holding. "Far to the east...over ranges and rivers...beyond woodlands and wastelands...lies a single, solitary peak."

"The Lonely Mountain." Bilbo read slowly looking over Gandalf, and Thorin's shoulder. I leaned over Dwalin and Bifurs shoulder to get a better look at the yellowed piece of parchment.

"Aye, Oin has read the portents...and the portents say it is time," Gloin says, multiple dwarves roll their eyes, groan or look away annoyed.

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, as it was foretold," Oin leans forward backing up his brother claims. "When the birds of yore return to Erebor...the reign of the beast will end." He adds ominously.

"Uh, what beast?" "Beast?" Bilbo and I ask at the same time. Bilbo was alarmed, I was just more curious.

"That would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible," Bofur informs excitedly. "chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire-breather. Teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks. Extremely fond of precious metals."

"Yes, I know what a dragon is," Bilbo said annoyed.

"Wait! Dragons actually exist?!" I turned and pointed at Bilbo accusingly. "Why didn't you tell me? Wow," The atmosphere of the room changed, I knew I had said something wrong from the dark looks on some of the dwarves faces. I glanced at Bilbo confused but he just shrugged.

"They're dangerous, lass," Balin warned, seriously.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean they're not cool," I pointed at him. This got me some confused looks from the dwarves. _Oops, forgot cool was slang._ Everything was awkward until Ori abruptly stood up.

"I'm not afraid. I'm up for it. I'll give him a taste of Dwarvish iron right up his jacksie!" He announced loudly, looking around for approval. Many seated at the table chuckled, the oppressive mood gone. I shot Ori a grateful look.

"Good lad, Ori!" someone cried, and there were murmurs and laughs around the table.

"Sit down." Dori pulls him down, scolding. Ori looks away from his brother gave me a small smile back.

"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us…" Balin dragged the conversation back on topic. "but we number just 13. And not 13 of the best...nor brightest."

 _Ohhhhh, that burn was as hot as dragon fire._

"Here, who are you calling dim?" Nori asks offended. There were many who shared the same sentiment as him and were not hesitant to voice it.

"Sorry, what did he say?" Oin asks holding up his ear trumpet.

"We may be few in number…" Fili began seriously, leaning forward with his fist on the table. "but we're fighters, all of us, to the last Dwarf." His voice changed to a more inspiring tone.

"And you forget, we have a Wizard in our company." Kili leans forward. "Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time." Kili continues in the same upbeat tone.

"Oh, well, no. I wouldn't say…" Gandalf stutters awkwardly. I latch onto this laughing in my head. He definitely hasn't killed any dragons.

"Yeah, Gandalf," I asked, with a little mocking slipping into my voice. "How many?" Gandalf glares at me catching onto my tone. I smirk back. That's for the door.

"How many, then?" Dori asked staring expectantly at him missing the mocking in my question.

"What?" Gandalf's pulled away from our staring contest. Turning back to the table and facing Dori.

"Well, how many dragons have you killed? Go on. Give us a number," Dori insists. Gandalf doesn't answer, just puffs at his pipe quickly. The dwarves get riled up at his 'answer' and loud arguing breaks out.

"Excuse me. Please." Bilbo tries and fails to gain their attention. Thorin stands up, his chair scraping against Bilbo's floor as it was shoved backward. He shouts something at them in their language, it almost sounded like shut up. They all immediately quiet down, and stare intently at Thorin, waiting.

"If we have read these signs...do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon, Smaug, has not been seen for 60 years. Eyes look east to the mountain, assessing... ...wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?" He finishes his speech, shouting more words in their language. The dwarves cheer standing up around the table while Thorin shouts the same phrase over and over. I press myself against the wall as Bifur gets a little too wild.

"You forget, the Front Gate is sealed. There is no way into the mountain." Balin reminded then. The group settled down with the reminder. Balin seems like the realistic one of the group.

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." Gandalf holds up a silver key. It's a large key, with a large barrel. An almost diamond-like shape at the handle with triangles one near the barrel the other directly across from it. The end that you put into the lock had a chain look. One square was flat with the rest of the key, the other the complete another way. It was the...oddest looking key I had ever seen. I was having a hard time believing it actually opened something.

"That is one kick-ass looking key," I mutter leaning forward to get a better look.

"How come you by this?" Thorin asked alternating staring at the key and Gandalf in awe.

"It was given to me by your father. By Thrain. For safekeeping. It is yours now." Gandalf handed the key ceremoniously over the Thorin.

"If there is a key...there must be a door." Fili pointed out. I rolled my eyes.

"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the Lower Halls," Gandalf informs pointing out some runes in the corner of the map still unfolded on the table.

"There's another way in," Kili said excitedly. _A puppy, that one_.

"Well, if we can find it," Gandalf agrees. "but Dwarf doors are invisible when closed."

 _Whose bright idea was that?_

"The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map…" Gandalf gestured with his pipe "and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle-earth who can."

 _You can't read it? Such incompetence from the great Gandalf._ Alright, maybe I was still a tinsy, tiny little bit sore from the defacing of the door I worked so hard on.

"The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth...and no small amount of courage." He glanced around the table. "But if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar." Ori realized looking up at Bilbo, who was watching the proceedings from behind Thorin.

"Hmm. And a good one too. An expert, I'd imagine." Bilbo says obviously hooking his thumbs in his suspenders. I slap my forehead having realized why they were in our house.

"And are you?" Gloin asked his eyes narrowed.

"Am I what?" Bilbo question still in the dark.

"Bilbo? A burglar?" I laughed drawing their attention to me. "He's never stolen a thing in his life!"

"She said he's an expert. Hey!" Oin celebrates. I looked at him confused. _Where did he get that from?_

"Me? No. No, no, no. I'm not a burglar. Rezena's right, I've never stolen a thing in my life." Bilbo shakes his head and is quick to agree with me.

"Well, I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins and lady Razena. He's hardly burglar material." Balin confesses

"Yes," Bilbo agrees, nodding.

"Aye, the Wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves." Dwalin agreed with Balin and Bilbo, glancing at Bilbo then at me.

"Hey, I can fend for myself," I objected, looking down on him offended. He crosses his arms and huffed at me in disbelief.

"I can survive on my own," I insisted. "Bilbo, on the other hand, can not."

"Enough!" Gandalf yells sharply as he stands, and this threatening presence fills the room. Gandalf seems to suck in the light around him like a black hole. His stance was less threatening than he probably intended as he had to stoop as much as I did. It wasn't ineffective as all attention was on him. Everyone terrified into silence. "If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is," He paused calming down, the light returning. Everyone was still frozen at this point from surprise. "Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most, if they choose. And, while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of Dwarf...the scent of a Hobbit is all but unknown to him...which gives us a distinct advantage." He turned to Thorin, who was one of the first to have collected themselves. "You asked me to find the 14th member of this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins. And I'm sure if one goes we shall have the other. There's a lot more to them than appearances suggest. Lady Razena, I'm sure would be a lovely addition. They've got a great deal more to offer than any of you know. Including Bilbo, himself. You must trust me on this." Gandalf and Thorin stare at each other for a few seconds.

"Very well," Thorin gives in. "We will do it your way." A self-satisfied grin grows across Gandalf's face as he sits back down.

"No, no." Bilbo protests waving his hands, trying to get them to listen to him. I'd help if I'd thought they'd listen. _It's not like he has to sign anything._

"Give him the contract." Thorin orders Balin.

"We're in. We're off." Balin says, standing and pulling the contract form his pocket. "It's just the usual. Summary of out-of-pocket expenses...time required, remuneration...funeral arrangements, so forth."

"Funeral arrangements?" Bilbo exclaims voice wavering.

"If I die," I start, having my funeral planned out already.

"Who says you're going?" Dwalin demanded, staring me in the eyes.

"Who says I'm not?" I challenged raising my chin and my eyebrows.

"I say your not!" Bilbo exclaimed, looking up from the contract.

"But Bilbooo!" I whine drawing out his name. He huffs then goes back to reading the contract.

Thoron turns to Gandalf and speaks quieter "I cannot guarantee their safety."

"Understood." Gandalf nods and replies after a few seconds

"Nor will I be responsible for their fate," Thorin tells him through gritted teeth. Thorin catches me staring, I didn't pretend like I wasn't listening in. I just pursed my lips.

Behind them slightly louder, I hear Bilbo mumbling the contract to himself.

"Terms: Cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one-fourteenth of total profit, if any." He nods and tilts his head "Hmm. Seems fair. Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by...or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to lacerations...evisceration... Incineration?" he says each word with growing disbelief. Bilbo glances back at the dwarves with confusion, curiosity and the slightest bit of horror.

"Aye." Bofur begins cheerily, "He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." Bilbo blinks back at him unsettled by the mental picture.

"That's some hot fire," I turn to Bofur, impressed with the dragon.

"That's what you focus on?" Bilbo's eyebrows reach for his hairline in disbelief.

"What?" I ask defensively. "Do you know how long it takes to burn a human with regular fire? Longer than a second, I guarantee you."

"Really?" someone asked curiously.

I shrugged. "I heard it somewhere. I also heard that you better hope that you suffocate from the smoke because being burned alive is hell."

"You all right, laddie?" Balin draws our attention back to Bilbo, who wasn't doing so well with our current topic of conversation.

Bilbo leans down, hands on his knees and starts breathing quicker, his eyes shining with panic. "Huh? Yeah. Feel a bit faint."

"Think furnace with wings." Bofur starts back again. I gave him a warning glare.

"Air. I need air." Bilbo took a deep breath a held it trying to stay conscious.

"Flash of light, searing pain, then poof. You're nothing more than a pile of ash." Bofur ignored my warning glance and continued to torture poor Bilbo. Bilbo stood straight as he had seemingly managed to pull himself together.

"Hmm. Nope." Then he passed out. I rushed over and just caught him before he hit the ground. I grunted as I caught him, quickly trying to keep my balance as I had misjudged how heavy he was.

"Time to cut back on the biscuits, Bilbo," I joked picking him up bridal style. Bofur, the one who caused all the trouble in the first place had gotten up to help me. I raised my eyebrow at him. He quickly sat back down clearing his throat. I made my way to Bilbo's favorite armchair and gently set him down. I built the fire back up in the fireplace and sighed, cursing Bofur in my mind.

* * *

"I'll be alright. Just let me sit quietly for a moment." Bilbo told us, now awake, sitting in his armchair with a warm cup of tea in his hands. I was on the floor, sitting with my back to the fire. We were both looking up at Gandalf who towered above our sitting forms.

"You've been sitting quietly for far too long," Gandalf lectured him. "Tell me, when did doilies and your mother's dishes…...become so important to you? I remember a young Hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods. Who would stay out late, come home after dark...trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young Hobbit who would have liked nothing better...than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire. The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there." Gandalf gestured with his pipe to a nearby stained glass window.

"I can't just go running off into the blue. I am a Baggins," Bilbo paused. "of Bag-end." Bilbo reminded him gesturing to the walls.

"You are also a Took." Gandalf paused and Bilbo dropped his head into his hands, groaning in irritation. Gandalf gestured to a painting of one of Bilbo's relatives. "Did you know that your great-great-great-great-uncle Bullroarer Took...was so large, he could ride a real horse?"

"Yes." Bilbo sighed, sounding done with the story which I'd guess by his tone he'd heard a thousand times.

"Yes, well, he could." Gandalf paused staring thoughtfully. "In the Battle of Green Fields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard, it knocked the Goblin king's head clean off...and it sailed 100 yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus, the battle was won. And the game of golf invented at the same time." He chuckled a bit at the end.

"I do believe you made that up." Bilbo pointed out

"Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back."

"Can you promise that I will come back?" Bilbo questioned looking up at Gandalf. His hands clenched tightly around his mug.

Gandalf sighed and leaned heavily on his staff. "No. And if you do… ...you will not be the same."

"But that's just life," I slouched, staring into the fire. Watching the flames dance as they ate the wood. "No one's promised a tomorrow. Anything could happen at any time, that could change a person too. The difference here is one's expected the others unexpected. You really just have to ask yourself, how do I wanna go?" I look up at them and laugh a little. "Sorry."

Bilbo shook his head. "That's what I thought. Sorry, Gandalf, I can't sign this." Bilbo sat his mug down and stood up. "You've got the wrong Hobbit." I watched him go, walking down the hall with measured steps. I glanced up at Gandalf who was staring after him with disappointment.

"He'll think about it," I stood. "And rethink and rethink, but I think... that eventually, he'll go. You're right Bilbo does long for adventure, deep down."

"And you my lady?"

"I'll go where Bilbo goes. It's not like I don't want to help them, but really, It just sounds like they want their gold back, and to me that's not worth Bilbos life."

"It's not so much their gold, my dear, and where that gold is located,"

"The mountain?" I tilt my head, shifting to face him completely.

He nods "Their home, it was taken from them by the dragon, Smaug. They've been left homeless ever since."

"That's awful, but there's just one thing I don't understand. Why a burglar? Why not someone who could kill the dragon?"

"Well," he puffed his pipe delaying answering my question. I narrow my eyes and almost press it but then a humming caught my attention. I left Gandalf to find the source. I stopped just outside of the room where all of the dwarves had gathered. Leaning behind the pillar of the opening.

"Far over the misty mountains cold," The voice singing it was deep and quiet.

"To dungeons deep and caverns old

We must away 'Ere break of day

to seek the pale enchanted gold" I could hear movement in the room. I slid down the wall and leaned my head back eyes closed. Listening.

"The dwarves of yore made mighty spells," Others joined in, singing in the same low, sorrowful tones.

"While hammers fell like ringing bells  
In places deep, where dark things sleep,  
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord  
There many a gleaming golden hoard  
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught  
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.

On silver necklaces they strung  
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung  
The dragon-fire, in twisted wire  
They meshed the light of moon and sun.

Far over the misty mountains cold  
To dungeons deep and caverns old  
We must away, ere break of day,  
To claim our long-forgotten gold.

Goblets they carved there for themselves  
And harps of gold; where no man delves  
There lay they long, and many a song  
Was sung unheard by men or elves.

To find our long-forgotten gold

The pines were roaring on the height

the winds were moaning in the night

the fire was red it flaming spread

the trees like torches blazed with light." It was a beautiful song, sad, but beautiful. The pictures were painted so vividly in my mind, like a movie.

"The bells were ringing in the dale  
And men they looked up with faces pale;  
The dragon's ire more fierce than fire  
Laid low their towers and houses frail.  
The mountain smoked beneath the moon;  
The dwarves they heard the tramp of doom.  
They fled their hall to dying fall

Beneath his feet, beneath the moon." A tear rolled down my face at the thought of all the people dead.

"Far over the misty mountains grim  
To dungeons deep and caverns dim  
We must away, ere break of day,  
To win our harps and gold from him!  
Far over the misty mountains cold  
To dungeons deep and caverns old…" I got up a few minutes after it ended, and headed back to my room. I passed Bilbo's on the way. His door was slightly cracked, we made eye contact, then nodded at each other, decisions made.

* * *

I knelt down and pulled out my old gear and set it near my dresser. I fell asleep in my bed, for what I hoped wasn't the last time.

* * *

the extended version of the misty mountain song cover by Clamavi De Profundis on youtube if you wanna listen, it's really good. (Not mine neither is anything Middle-Earth related) I'm sorry this took so long.


	5. A 'Wonderful' Start

I awoke to shaking. Honestly my first thought was an earthquake. I shot up and banged my head on something hard. My hands shot to my forehead, well at least I'm awake now...

"Oh Yavnna," a voice cursed. I opened my eyes to see Bilbo already dressed clutching his forehead.

"Bilbo I'm so sorry!" I reached to help him sit up from where he had fallen back.

"It my fault I shouldn't have shaken you," He shot to attention. "Razena! The dwarves! They've left!"

We both shot out of my bed. I pulled on my old clothing pulling on my weapons, boots and grabbing my previously set out bag. Something caught my eye on my bed sheets. Bilbo has dropped his handkerchief, he carried it everywhere because of his allergies. I stuffed it in my bag and hurried to the kitchen. Expertly dodging the light fixtures and low entryways. Bilbo already had a pack ready and was stuffing food into it. Where he got the food I have no idea, but he was wrapping it up in towels. He shoved some into my arms and ordered me to pack it in my bag. I secure my bag tightening the straps and followed Bilbo to the dining room. His signed the contract, picked up two letters and left them under the welcome mat. Where he knew would find them. He locked the door then turned to me.

"Ready?"

I glanced back at the bright green door and took a deep breath. "Yeah... yeah I'm ready."

We turned and Bilbo took of like a rabbit down the path. I grinned shifting my backpack before following after him. I caught up rather quickly as my legs were longer. I ran slightly behind him as the path was thin. We turned and jumped over a fence flying down the unpathed hill. The wind stung my eyes Bilbo noticed the farmer too late to stop and just jumped over the pumpkin on the cart. I was having fun so when I jumped over I tucked into a roll upon landing. I easily rolled to my feet and continued laughing. I quickly stopped as taking air into my lungs was getting difficult. I followed after Bilbo, it was a nice morning for running. We hopped onto another path this one leading out of the Shire.

"Hey! Mr. Bilbo, where are you off to?" A confused hobbit asked as we rushed past. I waved at him still giddy from the adrenaline rushing through my veins.

"Can't stop we're already late!" Bilbo answers still running.

"Late for what?!" The farmer leaned over to watch us as we went beyond his field of vision.

"We're going on an adventure!" He shouts, I caught a glimpse of the giant smile on his face.

"How far do you think they got?" I asked running alongside Bilbo.

"Can't tell to be honest but the best we can do is follow the path leading out of Hobbiton"

I look around for maybe any signs and spot hoof prints on the ground. They seemed fresh and from the amount of them it seemed like it was made by a large group. I ran ahead of Bilbo tracking them. "We can follow this and hope it's the right group of people. But without knowing for sure all we can do is guess."

As we ran I thought to strike up conversation "So, I, ah Bilbo, I had a… weird dream last night," I glanced nervously at him. "It was about a dragon, you were there and some of the dwarves. It was all very confusing. I don't remember very much but I think when we arrived you were sent in for this jewel, the Arkenstone? The dragon inside was still alive. It was provoked and flew out of the kingdom to a city floating on a lake. I remember it said something 'I am fire, I am death.' My imagination is awesome, but terrifying. Because I'm sure a dragon wouldn't actually sound like Benedict Cumberbatch," Bilbo placed a hand on my arm. I realized in my struggle to remember my wild dream I had slowly come to a stop.

"Razena, breath," I took a deep breath having réalisés I got so excited I'd explained all in one breath. "Now who…is... Bensdick... Cucumberpatch?"

"A famous man from my world. Yes, you're right, I think I will." I laughed at his horrible butchering of Benedict's name. 'Even in another world the poor man's name is still destroyed.' I shook myself. "Sorry about that Bilbo, let's get going before they decide to disappear."

* * *

I'm jogging just ahead of Bilbo when I spot them. A group of riders in the distance. Slightly out of breath I cup my hands around my mouth and shout "Hey! Wait up!" The person in the very back stops and turns. The rest soon follow and after a few more minutes we catch up.

I stop, panting, my hands on my knees. "Bilbo... I love ya... but dude...I'm never running that far again."

"I signed it!" Bilbo waved the unfolded contract around. I was still struggling to regulate my breathing. Balin takes the contract and pulls out a tiny inspector glass thing that you'd see jewelers use.

"Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield." T

[The dwarves cheer. Thorin doesn't look too impressed.]

"Give them a pony." Thorin ordered before turning his pony around.

"Miss. Razena can ride with me." Gandalf stated and dropped back for me to get on, offering his hand to help me up. I thanked him, then ignored his hand, and swung myself onto the horse. Was I being petty? Maybe a little bit, at least I thanked the man, wizard? On top of the horse I really had to look down to see Bilbo. Who was currently panicking.

Bilbo took a step back shaking his head. "No, no, no, no, that-that won't be necessary, thank you, but I-I'm sure I can keep up on foot. I- I-I've done my fair share of walking holidays, you know. I even got as far as Frogmorton once-WAGH!" Bilbo's cut off by Fili and Kili picking him up by his pack and depositing a very disgruntled Bilbo onto a pony. I laughed at him, he leered back at me with an irritated glare. I just laughed harder. He was holding the reins stiffly in front of himself. He himself was sitting stiffer than a board. Something was shouted up ahead I caught a 'pay up.' Bags started flying.

"What's that about?" Bilbo asked

"Oh, they took wagers on whether or not you'd turn up. Most of the bet you wouldn't."

"What did you think?" Bilbo asked

"Hmmm." I ducked behind Gandalf as a bag came flying at him, he caught t with ease. "My dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second."

Bilbo jerks forward and lets out a gigantic sneeze. I jumped completely having forgotten about his sensitivity.

"Ohh. All this horse hair, I'm having a reaction." he pats his pockets searching for his handkerchief, each pat gets franticer and franticer. I lean over and dangle the missing handkerchief in his face before he could be something embarrassing. He grabs it quickly and blows his nose.

"You dropped it in your panic this morning, Bilbo."

"You may have to do without many comforts of home Bilbo Baggins. A great many things will be uncomfortable on this journey and we will just have to make do with what we have. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you; the world is ahead."

* * *

NOT PART OF THE STORY

Author notes: [Alright time for some original content lol 'Original' it does need the quotations (can we talk about memes?)]

Co-Editor: Alright *cracks knuckles* I want memes.

I'm sorry in advance

This has a summary with 'trash can' in it what do you want readers.

* * *

'I am soooooo bored' I had spent about three hours staring at the scenery, Gandalf had decided to ride slightly away from Bilbo so if I wanted to talk to him I'd have to shout. Normally this wouldn't bother me, I had traveled longer with just myself but this is different I was surrounded by people, people who wouldn't talk to me. The dwarves were talking in their native language and ignoring Bilbo and I's existence. I'd tried to talk to them at first and after a few insults, or what I'm ninety percent sure was insults, I had decided that talking to them wasn't worth the effort. I took a deep breath in through my nose and exhaled harshly. I tried to think back to before the apocalypse, about my summer road trips that I'd been on with my family as a child. I tried to remember what me and my brother had done for entertainment when our phones had died. I remembered how annoyed my father had been when we had sung- ...Yavanna! That was it. My answer to boredom was 99 bottles of rum, and as a bonus it would annoy the living daylights out of the dwarves. I started to sing. And loudly, crackling in my head.

"100 bottles of rum on the wall, 100 bottles of rum, take on down pass it around, 99 bottles of rum on the wall. 99 bottles of rum on the wall, 99 bottles of rum, take one down pass it around, 98 bottles of rum on the wall." Bilbo groaned but didnt stop me. I think he need a distraction from the unwelcoming feel of this group almost as much as I did. I gave an innocent smile to the dwarves who turned to look at me. I kept singing and they were content to continue pretending I didn't exist. I got to about 31 before Thorin snaped. That's a good 79 bottles I got through. I was almost impressed, almost.

"For the love of Malhal stop it girl!" He broke, his tolerance for my was gone.

I rolled my eyes "Well since you asked so nicely. I will stop talking." I made it an hour, it was just too awkward.

"Bilbo, I spy with my little eye something green," I shouted back at him.

"The leaves?" He guessed, I grinned at him.

"Nope"

"The grass"

"Ding ding ding we have a winner folks! Your turn."

"I spy with my eyes something grey"

"The Gandalf?" I guessed looking at the robes I had been sitting behind for hours.

Bilbo snorted "Yes, that's correct."

"Uhm," I turn my head all around to try to spot something new. "Lets see, I spy with my little eye something brown."

"It's the tree trunks!" I turned, surprised, by a voice that wasn't Bilbo's. Kili was grinning looking ridiculously proud of himself.

"Yeah, now it's your turn," Before he could pick something Thorin called for lunch, very quickly might I add. I slid off Gandalf's horse before he had even stopped. I was hungry, having not eaten breakfast this morning, I wasn't to worried about myself. Bilbo however, with his fast metabolism, had missed several of his morning meals. I was very proud that he hadn't complained about his hunger once. I wanted to find out what kind of food and how much of said food we were getting. I watched trying to find out which dwarf was in charge of the food. I quickly noticed that Bombur was digging through a large pack strapped onto a pony. The pony also had a large pot strapped to its back. Bingo. I almost skipped over to him.

"Hi, do you need any help?" He paused his digging and looked back.

He handed me a bag of dried meat. "I'd appreciate the help lass. Each person gets two pieces," I size up the pieces. Bilbo's going to starve.

"Alright two per person, got it." I give him a thumbs up and turned to find the nearest person. It turns out to be Bofur? I'm pretty sure he's the one in the hat. I walk up and pick two from the bag. I'm really careful to touch as little as possible.

"Oh, thanks lass," he takes the jerky from my outstretched hand.

"No problem," I turn to find the next person. About half an hour later i finally reached the last person, me. I took my two pieces before handing the lighter bag back to Bombur. I smiled before heading off toward where Bilbo was sitting looking miserable at his two pieces of meat. I plopped down next to him.

"Wonderful situation we've gotten ourselves into, isn't it?" I gave him my most sarcastic smile.

"It's only the first day," he tried to sound positive. I think his hunger and the attitudes of the dwarves were lowering his spirits. He took a bite of his food, and ate slowly trying to savor every bit. I looked down at my own two pieces then back to Bilbo. I held out the larger piece.

"I couldn't that's yours," he protested though I could tell he wanted it.

"I've got food Bilbo and besides my metabolism is slower. You literally need more food than I do." I pushed it toward him again and he reluctantly took it from me. I grinned and took a bite of my food cataloging in my head how much extra food I had. I didn't have enough to have three meals every day. I figured I could give some of my provided food to Bilbo and wait till absolutely necessary before eating my food from my old world. I'd share that with Bilbo but I'd remembered something about processed foods and the people who weren't used to it got sick.

We soon got back on our steeds and left the area on our trip once again. A few hours in and I might have fallen asleep on Gandalf. Next thing I knew someone was shaking me awake. I felt the tough bark of a tree digging into my back. And I opened my eyes to see who was shaking me. It was a half rotted away face with one eye missing, It's other eye white and dirty. I could see its teeth as the mouth was slightly open, yellow and red teeth ready to bite. The creature was horrific as it stared down at me. I was startled and backed into the tree shoving the creature away. It cried out and I was confused no zombie I'd ever had the displeasure of meeting made a noise like that. It took me a second but I recognized that cry. Bilbo. My surroundings faded into a forest and a camp with Bilbo sitting in the grass were he had fallen when I shoved him. He was waiting patiently, as always, for me to come back. We had gathered the attention of the rest of the camp but I didn't care about them right now.

"Bilbo I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was yo-" he moved closer once I started talking and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"It's all right, Razena, I know you weren't aware," he paused his arm rubbing my back, I swallowed my guilt and asked what he was waking me for. He gestured over to Bombur who looked like he was fully invested in checking the food pack over. Although by the way, his eyes kept glancing over at us, I knew he wasn't as involved with the contents of the bag as he tried to appear. I looked back up at Bilbo confused. He sighed, rolling his eyes good naturedly before explaining.

"It's time for dinner," probably seeing that I was still shaken he stands and brings back two pieces of dried meat like we had for lunch. I offered to him one of my pieces again. He pushed my outstretched arm closer to me in refusal.

"What? Bilbo I thought-"

"You haven't had an episode like that in almost two months. Eat them both tonight, you can share your food tomorrow but tonight I will not accept anything." I went to argue but my stomach gave it's attempt at a wake call. Bilbo gave me a pointed look and I stuck the dried meat into my mouth. I looked the camp over again. Most of the dwarves were in groups around a roaring fire. A closer look and I saw the family's were all together what surprised me was seeing Fili and Kili sitting near Thorin. The fire looked warm but I didn't really want to move forward towards the group of close families. Even Gandalf was sitting a little ways away. I pulled out a fur pelt I'd stuffed into my bag before leaving and laid that under me to keep the ground from zapping away my body heat. Bilbo frowned staring at his own pack. Please tell me he didn't….

"Bilbo you do have a blanket or something don't you?" I asked

"I seem to have forgotten it in my haste," I looked at him in disbelief.

"At least tell me you brought a cloak or something." When he cleared his throat I knew the answer was a no. I sighed, at least the nights weren't too cold yet. I moved to the end of the pelt and patted the area next to me.

"You can sleep by me till we get you something to sleep on." I ignored the noise from the still awake dwarves and curled up close to Bilbo since I didn't have a blanket. I made a mental note to get myself one as well as Bilbo. Then slowly drifted off to sleep to the sound of Bilbo's tiny snores.

* * *

Authors (and Co-Editor) Note

Bilbo…. oh my lord he did forget a blanket. I can't believe it, did he pack a cape?  No, remember the rain scene he was soaking wet because he didn't have one. 

Extras:

 _ **co-editor (only editor)**_

 _ **Passive skill- kill characters with an unfortunate death: on**_

 _ **Writer**_

 **Off** **leave them alone**

 _ **co-editor**_

 _ **Passive skill- kill characters with an unfortunate death: off**_

 _ **Fine. Party killer...**_


	6. Chapter 6

I'm gonna do my to update as soon as I can but it'll probably be around 2-3 months between each update.

Editor\- we try to be as fast as we can so you can enjoy the next chapter. Many of you seem to be enjoying these so I'll keep on the author to write as often as possible.

I get very distracted and have a decent amount of homewo-

You have a story to write no homework for you.

I'd love that-could you speak to my teachers?

XD Nvm. Sorry guys you gotta wait a few months for updates but we will be consistent on updating every 2-3 months.

Probably.

We won't abandon the story!

* * *

The next morning I woke to someone calling my name. I ignored them and rolled over. Then promptly got a face full of dirt. I rolled over to glare at the person coughing, obviously trying to hide their laughter, at my spluttering. Bilbo was trying not to outright laugh at me. I caught some dwarves snickering. I promptly raised my arm and flipped them off. Ignoring Bilbo's scolding "Razena!" I sat up and slumped, rubbing at my eyes.

"Morning already?" I hated how short night felt while sleeping.

"Yes Razena, it's time to get moving," He hands me two pieces of meat. "Gandalf says we should arrive at Bree by evening."

"Really? Are we stopping there?" I cross my legs, leaning forward.

"I'm told we're stopping for more supplies and the night."

"Good I'd love to get better supplies," I said.

"How? I forgot to grab my gold…" He trails off and I grin sheepishly reaching into my pack and pull out his coin pouch.

"I still had it on me from that time the human traders came into the market," I shove the purse back into my bag. "Remember you gave it to me, then I got sick and missed them. You told me I could hold onto it for you as Hobbits had very little use for gold."

He shrugs as though what I was saying was fair. "We don't often use gold but occasionally we do business with people who do. Hobbits-" I cut him off before he could start a lesson.

"Yes, Bilbo," my tone somewhere between fond and annoyed, "I remember, Hobbits trade with each other for their goods, you taught me well." I smile at him handing him my second piece of dried meat. He huffs but takes it.

"At least something I've said has stuck with you." He looked annoyed but his voice told me otherwise. I laughed and gathered my pelt, made it as small as possible before stuffing it into my bag. I'd have to get something to secure it to my pack it took up so much room. Bilbo's stomach rumbled so loud I thought a whale had suddenly appeared next to me and squashed my friend. I stuck my hand into his bag unwrapped some of our food and shoved it into his hands.

"Eat," I commanded storing the food back into his pack. He had taken his first bite when everyone was up and ready. Thorin was hurrying everyone, shouting at everyone to get moving. Bilbo looked over at his pony in despair.

"Want a boost?" I asked him guessing his height might impair how well he can get on a pony. He doesn't like to ride so I don't think he ever learned how to get on one. He gives me a thankful look. We head over to his pony and I link my hands together by my fingers. His foot flattens my hands each side pressing on my wrists.

"On the count of three," I tell him he nods. "One," I bring my hands down then back up. "Two," I repeated the motion. "Three," Bilbo pushes off the ground and I push his foot up. He manages to swing his other leg up and I almost get kicked in the face. I make sure he's settled on the pony before moving away to find my ride. Gandalf was sitting on his horse waiting for me. I quickly swung myself onto the back of the saddle.

Most of the morning was quite everyone still groggy. Fili and Kili seemed to have boundless energy playing eye spy and generally being massive goofs. It wasn't till almost noon that Gandalf spoke to me.

"That sword you carry," he glanced back. "I haven't quite seen anything like it before, would you mind terribly, if I had a look?"

I shrugged and handed it to him. "It's called a machete. Though mine is a bit old and I probably haven't cared for it the right way. "

"Machete you say?" He turned it over in his hands inspecting the blade. "Are you proficient in wielding this blade?"

"Proficient...enough, I guess." I glanced off to the side and shifted on the saddle.

"Is this the only blade you can wield?"

"Yea?" I answered not really seeing the point of the question.

"And this is your main weapon?"

"No, it's just for extremely close range," I patted my gun holster. "This is my main weapon."

"Interesting, and what might that be my dear,"

"It's called a gun, it kind of like a bow but better," I could tell he didn't believe me, but that's ok. If someone had told me two years ago that I'd be riding a horse, with a wizard, and a group of dwarves, to fight a dragon I would have laughed.

"So that flimsy blade is all you have?" I jumped at the new voice. Dwalin took my machete from Gandalf and inspected it. He evidently didn't like what he saw as he snapped the blade in half.

"What the-!" I flinched closer to Gandalf. Besides being very impressed I was also terrified. He had just snapped the machete in half. He threw the pieces into the ground and if it wasn't for my momentary fear I'd have made a comment about littering. No one else seemed phased except Bilbo who was inching his pony away.

I swallowed my fear. "Well now I just have to punch my enemy's in the face, I guess," I tried to keep my tone light in fear of setting him off. He scowled at me and huffed as if he had come to a conclusion he wasn't happy with.

"You'll get a better one in Bree, one that'll be able to hold up under another's blade," he growled. My real question was if I'd be able to hold up under that kind of strength.

"One that I can lift, I hope," I mumbled under my breath.

"Ah but master Dwalin then there would be the problem of teaching her how to use it," Gandalf interrupted a suspiciously sneaky glint in his eyes.

"I know how to use it! You jam the sharp end into the bad guys," I meant it more of a joke but I'm not entirely sure it was taken that way. Dwalin growled something about 'untrained', and that's all I caught.

"You'll train with me," that's all he said before riding off to his brother and having what I assume was a heated conversation in their language. I looked up at Gandalf with a 'what the heck just happened face.

"I do believe you have just gained a teacher," Gandalf said and faced forward again, focusing on the road again. I looked back at Bilbo but judging by his open mouth he was as confused as I was.

The rest of the day was, thankfully, less confusing. I played more traveling games with Kili, Fili, and Bilbo. We even got Ori to play with us after lunch. I had one piece of dried meat again for lunch. Then talked with Bilbo and Gandalf for the rest of the afternoon. My stomach was furious at me by sometime around five o'clock. I dug around in my bag for one of those really stale protein bars. I stuffed the wrapper back into my bag. I wasn't looking forward to eating it and for a good reason too because it was _nasty_. I almost gagged on my first bite. It was a war between my stomach and my tongue and my stomach won. Gandalf has glanced back but hadn't asked me anything. I was grateful for that, as I was having a hard time keeping the bar down. Any talking and I would have had some serious problems. As much as I hated the taste of that bar, I'd hate it mixed with my own stomach acid more.

* * *

Another hour or two later and I could see the gates of Bree. Bree didn't look anything like I was expecting. The wall surrounding it was made of wooden planks and from the smell I expected to hear a bell with a voice calling 'bring out your dead!' It didn't smell of rotten flesh exactly, that smell was seared into my brain, but it was nearly as bad. They definitely needed some lessons from the hobbits who kept their land smelling clean and earthy. I had expected the medieval looking buildings but I hadn't prepared myself for this, some of the older buildings were rotting. The hobbits knew what was up and I'd never live in a human town, ever. There was a single guard at the gate and I tried to keep the disgust off of my face through the entire town. There were men, women, and even some hobbits, or children I couldn't see their feet, walking down the dirt, manure infested streets. Their clothing was worn and dirty and I was the only girl wearing pants. Which in itself got me a bunch of stares, or maybe it was our traveling group. A man in gray robes, with a ridiculous matching gray pointy hat, thirteen dwarfs, a hobbit, and a girl who wasn't in a dress. All in all, I had just gotten here and I couldn't wait to leave.

"Gandalf?" I tried to keep my voice neutral. "When are we leaving?" I must have not completely hidden my unease or maybe it was just a wizard thing because he seemed to understand.

"Tomorrow, my dear. You have nothing to fear, they are simply curious." I looked at the people again and while most of them looked curious, there was an underlying distrust and even if I didn't understand why it was there, it made me nervous and a tiny bit uncomfortable. Were these people still doing witch trials? Was that a thing in middle earth? I really hoped not. Bilbo had never mentioned anything, but then again he wasn't an expert in the history of men.

We came to a stop outside a place called the Prancing Pony. Honestly I missed the Shire already, it has spoiled me. This building looked...sturdy, I guess. Gandalf dismounted and turned to Thorin.

"I will go acquire our rooms and have a stable hand sent out." Thorin grunted and Gandalf quickly made his way into the wooden building. I was left sitting on his horse. I slid further into the saddle and Bilbo came to a stop next to me. He shifted on his saddle glancing around us. I was sure he'd mentioned being here before, a trip with his mother. I wondered briefly how much it'd changed. A few minutes of awkward sitting later and a boy, maybe ten years old, came out and lead us to the stables in the back.

I had dismounted to lead Gandalf's horse into the stable when the boy fell into step next to me. He really didn't seem comfortable speaking to the dwarves or standing too close to them for that matter. Wonder if it was the weapons or grumpy looks? Four foot something grumpy garden gnomes with weapons, I'd be wary too.

"You're travelers, right?" I nodded and he continued. "I've always wanted to see other places, but Pa says it's too dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

He nodded his head quickly. "Pa says that there are wolves, bandits, thieves, wargs and orcs. But he says it's even more dangerous now with the bandits that have been bothering people so close to Bree."

"They wouldn't bother the people in Bree, would they?" I asked looking down at the dirty boy.

"Pa says they wouldn't dare, not with the guards. But he's worried about the trading caravans, and the carts bring in and out goods. He also says their bad for business, whatever that means." He shrugged and took the reins from me. He began to lead the horse and I followed.

"Why are you in Bree, miss?"

"Just passing through, if I told you any more I'd have to kill ya," I winked at him so he knew it was a joke. He giggled, like giggle giggled, how old was this kid?

"Can you use a sword? My Pa can, he says he'll teach me when I'm a bit older. I don't know many women who can. Except crazy old lady Mary. And a couple of girls who live near the gates." The boy rambled as we walked it was dark inside the stables only light was from torches and the few windows. Torches, horses, and hay what a great combination. An older man who has been speaking with Thorin before turned at the sound of the boys voice.

"Lad don't be bothering the lady now, run on back inside," the boy turned and with a quick goodbye ran back to the inn. What an adorable boy. I hope that wasn't the last time I'd get to talk to him.

"He wasn't bothering me, though I never caught his name," I told him while he lead the horse into a stall. I stopped near Bilbo, who was glancing nervously at all the large animals.

"That's Argyle. He's a bit talkative but a nice boy. I'm Luison, I take care of the horses for his father, not for free for of course."

"Of course, you've got to make coin," I waved goodbye as we left. Gandalf met us at the door. He handed out keys and room numbers. Then the group split up for supplies given assignments by Thorin. I had totally forgotten about the trip to the blacksmiths with Dwalin until he motioned for me to follow him. I grabbed Bilbo from where he was talking with the dwarf with the really impressive rope loop beard. If I'm going anywhere Bilbo will be coming with me. I dragged him as he said frantic goodbyes.

"Alright, I'm ready," Dwalin raised an eyebrow at Bilbo. "Hey, we're a package deal."

"I can see that," he turned an stalked off.

"Mister Dwalin!" I called after him as Bilbo and I hurried to catch up to the grumpy dwarf. He didn't stop but slowed. I slipped my bag around and dug through it pulling out a single bullet. I held it out to Dwalin. "Do you think they could make me some more of these?"

He took it from me and looked it over. He hummed a little. "I don't know, lassie. It might take too much time." My shoulders slumped and Bilbo looked curiously at the small object.

"What is it?" I blinked down at him.

"Oh that's right I forgot I've never shown you before." I unholstered my gun and unloaded the magazine. I showed it to him and Dwalin. "The bullets, that little piece of metal, go in here then when I go to fire there's a little hammer that hits the back and ignites the gunpowder. That mini explosion sends this little piece of metal flying out of the barrel." I pointed to the part of the gun subconsciously keeping the gun pointed away from all living, non-zombie-fied creatures."This little thing can then pierce skin and bone and even other stronger stuff. It does a ton of damage."

"If it explodes then that contraption is only good once," Dwalin looked at the, to him, useless weapon.

"No, no, it- works more than once…. I can't really explain how," I sighed but Bilbo seemed to understand.

"It's probably better if we didn't know anyways. From what you've told us, we don't want more of those around," Bilbo handed me back the bullet and I pocketed it. Smiling apologetically at them, I decided it was probably best if I learned to not rely on my gun so much. I'd seen the damage people could do with them. I didn't want that happening to middle earth. I put my gun up and dodged a person who wasn't watching where they were going. We were heading into a more crowded part of the town. There were shops and stalls where people were selling their goods. I kept close to Dwalin, who seemed to have a bubble around him, and one hand on Bilbo's shoulder. Soon we approached a building with the classic blacksmith sign, an anvil, and hammer, hanging near the door. I wasn't nearly as busy in the shop as it was outside. There was swords, armor, shields, daggers, and spears hanging on display. There was a boy carrying something to a table while a man swung a hammer onto a red hot piece of metal. Most of the swords looked way too heavy, there were a couple smaller, and therefore lighter, looking ones that would probably work. I picked up a scabbard the was slightly curved, the handle was slightly curved as well but it was made out of a combination of leather and a mix of silver and gold colored metal. The handguard only went one way so I guessed it was a one-sided sword. I pulled the sword from the scabbard and was transfixed. The metal gleamed and there was a swirling silver design flowing down the blade. It was light enough in my hand and was probably around the length of my arm.

"Oooh, it's got a matching dagger too," I pulled the straight blade from the leather cover. It had a smaller version of the swirls and was a two-sided blade. I resisted the urge to fight fake enemies with sharp things I really, technically didn't know how to use. Instead, I spun to show them to Dwalin only to find my shoulders dropping and my excited smile sliding off my face at the small scowl on his. "What?"

"Oh I see you have found one of our Elvish sets," I jumped a little and cursed my lack of awareness, I'd been in the Shire too long. The old man from the back had walked up to the counter with a grandfatherly smile.

"These are elvish?" I looked back at the blades in my hands with a new fascination.

"Aye, lass, I got those a few years ago, from a nice elvish fellow looking for some gold." The man came around the counter and took the scabbards that I was holding awkwardly between my arm and side. I was able to hold the dagger in a more relaxed grip. They looked so cool, like fantasy video game cool. I nearly giggled from giddiness, I was holding elvish weapons! The old man's smile grew.

"Bilbo! Dwalin! I want these!" Dwalin scowl was still there but not as intense and Bilbo sighed in fond exasperation.

"You didn't even ask how much," he shook his head.

"Oh right," it had slipped my mind in my excitement. I mean totally understandable, elvish weapons. "How much mister…"

"Erandotus, those two together lass would be about 100 gold pieces," I handed the weapons back to Erandotus and dug for Bilbo's gold pouch. I knew for a fact that we had 246 gold in there but 100 gold? I didn't know much about swords but I did know I wasn't up to paying that much. I felt bad about tricking the old man but it wasn't like I wasn't gonna pay him at all. Just….a little less than what he wanted. I made a show of digging and counting the coins. I pulled out my best acting skills when I let my face drop in disappointment. Bilbo seemed to catch on. He sighed.

"I'm sorry Razena, maybe we could find something else," I caught a glint of mischief on his face. "Maybe we could find a trader out in the market with a better price." Dwalin took the blades from my hands and looked them over. A disapproving sneer on his face and I thought for a second that he was going to break these too.

"100 gold for some worthless steel?" He scoffed shoving them back at the man. "I know carpenters who make wooden swords better than this cheap metal. The lass would be better off with her own hands."

"I would have my old one but someone broke it," I accused and there was a slight amount of fear in the shop owners eyes as Dwalin scoffed again.

"Don't waste our time, trying to rob us of our gold,"

"Alright 90"

"85," Bilbo countered. "We do have other necessities we need to acquire."

"Aye, aye," The blacksmith hurried to agree. "85 gold for both the sword and the dagger." I fished the amount out of the bag and traded the coins for the blades in their sheaths. I waved goodbye and as we walked out the door I had to ask what Dwalin really thought about the blades.

"The tree-huggers know their blades, not as well as us Dwarves, but they are sturdy, and light."

"Hey!" I pointed at him jokingly offended. "I'm not weak!" He snorted, though I thought I saw a tiny, amused smile for half a second.

"That is yet to be determined, lassie," I made an indignant noise in the back of my throat. They both laughed at me even though Bilbo had no business laughing. I was stronger than him after all. We made the rest of our shopping quick as we were eager to sleep in an actual bed.

* * *

Walking into the tavern it was like I expected, loud, with a bunch of drunk men. The waitresses? I couldn't remember if that was what they were called, were serving them drinks and food. The wooden tables had seen too many drunk, drooling faces pressed against them. The chairs, surprisingly looked like normal wooden chairs give or take a few scratches. I guess you can't really keep royally messed up wooden chairs in a place where people constantly get hammered. The stone fireplace had an inviting crackling fire that managed to warm the entire room. It reminded me a little of the Green Dragon back in the Shire. I hadn't been in there a whole bunch but for the occasional messenger job. Where I had to fetch the person, sober or otherwise.

I was glad the sound was muffled upstairs where the rooms where. I was sharing a small room with a window overlooking the street and buildings across the way. There were two beds shoved up against one wall. I was sharing a room with Bilbo and Gandalf. Dwalin, Balin, and the one with ear trumpet and his brother were sharing. While Ori, and his brothers were sharing another. The three B brothers/cousins were in another. The royal family it seemed, was sharing the last room. The rooms were plain, A wooden bed frame and a straw mattress, a decent pillow with handmade pillowcases and quilt thrown on top. Honestly, I was just happy it wasn't dirt. Gandalf got one bed to himself and I refused to let Bilbo take the floor. He, hesitantly shared the bed with me, probably because I liked to use him as a teddy bear. It's not my fault hobbits are cuddly.

I woke the next morning alone sprawled out across the bed, quilt tangled around my body. When I tried to get up it ended up tripping me and I went tumbling to the ground. Untangling myself, I changed quickly after locking the door from the inside. I ventured out of the door into the thin hallway that was lined with doors leading to other rooms. At one end was a window the other the stairway, the stairs creaked on my way down. I stood on the bottom stair and tried to find the rest of my group. It wasn't hard to find them, they were eating breakfast and laughing loudly. Bilbo and Gandalf sat at the end of the table discussing something separate from the dwarves. It was Ori who actually first noticed my approach. He shyly waved me over to a seat by him. I hadn't known him long but was surprised by the empty chair to the side of him. One or both of his older brothers was always hovering over him. Not this morning apparently thought Dori was on his other side.

"Good Morning, Mister Ori." I only hesitated a little on his name. "How did you sleep?" I plopped down into my chair and turned to face him.

"Well- I slept well, My lady," he stammered and blushed.

"Razena, Mister Ori," I told him before turning to thank the woman who had set down a plate of food in front of me. He looked surprised.

"Then you may call me Ori," he grinned shyly up at me.

"Well then, Ori are you excited to be heading to the mountain?" I knew how secret this quest was so I didn't specifically say which mountain. He looked over his eyes dancing with amusement and another emotion I couldn't name.

"I've- uh never actually been there," He confessed nervously glancing around as if expecting to be scolded.

"Really?" I turned more toward him and rested an elbow on the table.

"I was born a few years after the attack," he explained vaguely or vaguely to anyone else not in our group.

I blinked, I hadn't thought it was that long ago. "May I ask when this event happened?" I was kind of fun being vague.

"You may, it was around 171 years ago," he said casually as if that wasn't a freaking long time. If I had been drinking I would have done a spit take.

"W-what?" I choked looking at him with wide eyes. His eyebrows were drawn down in concern. "I'm sorry, I could have sworn you said 171 years ago."

"You heard me correctly, only Balin, Dwalin, Thorin, Oin and Gloin were there. The rest of us weren't born yet or lived in the Blue Mountains." I gaped at him for a few seconds desperately trying to wrap my head around that some of them were older than 171. I lost all control of my brain to mouth filter.

"You guys are old!" I blurted then slapped my hands over my mouth. "Ah, wait I'm sorry that was really rude, but wow! Just wow!"

"Who're you calling old, lass?" I snapped my head up with what I'm sure was a deer in the headlights expression. I was greeted by an unimpressed dwarf in a strange hat. There was no way I was coming up with his name at the moment.

"I-I mean- It's just- I thought Bilbo was old," I ignored his offended

"I'll have you know I'm perfectly middle aged!"

"And he's 50 but then I find out some of you are more than 100 years old! I didn't mean to be offensive- really it's just shocking- not that there's anything wrong with being old-I'm rambling, I should stop talking." I buried my head into my arms on top of the table. I wanted to disappear. Could Gandalf make me invisible?

"No, It's quite understandable, my dear." Gandalf came to my rescue. Thank the Valar. "While Men and Hobbits have relatively similar lifespans, hobbits the longer-lived of the two. Dwarrow live for a far longer than either. The only other race that lives longer is the elves."

"See perfectly understandable!" I said but as my face was still buried in my arms it came out muffled. There was a question grunted across the table from us. I recognized the voice as the dwarf with the ax in his head. I lifted my head enough to look at him and he was staring at me.

"Can someone translate?"

"He asked how old you were, lass." The hatted one answered.

Ori's brother with the braided eyebrows answered "We know Bilbo is fifty now," there was a mutter of 'so young' somewhere along the table "I'm apprehensive to learn your age lass."

"I'm, ah, seventeen," I admitted someone choked on their drink.

"You're practically a baby lassie!"

"I'm not a baby!"

"They're both children,"

"Hey!" I tried to get their attention before we got kicked out from all the noise they were making. Bilbo's lips were pursed in his displeasure at being called a baby. "Biblos a middle-aged hobbit, and I'm an adult."

Bilbo coughed and I shot him a glare. I was trying to smooth things over. I rolled my eyes but did what he wanted. "Almost an adult,"

Thorin buried his hands into his hands. "We've brought children into this,"

"I just said we aren't kids." I threw my hands up in frustration. "Were you not listening to a word I just said?"

"Well I'm not a child," Bilbo clarified.

Way to throw me under the cart, Bilbo."Hey!" They continue to mutter about our ages. Having enough, I shoved my food into my mouth grabbed my packed up bag stormed to the stables. I'd cool off out there. I wasn't a child, I hadn't been for a while. I was dragged out of my thoughts but the two furiously gesturing figures by the stables. It was the old man, Luison and another taller man. His hair was dirty like the rest of the people in this town but I thought I saw some blond hidden beneath the filth. His leather armor and clothing was as dirty as the rest of him. They were both had fists clenched tightly at their sides when they weren't waving about, showing their owners displeasure with the other man. I thought for a second that Luison had gotten into some trouble with an angry traveler. Then I got closer, moving to help the older man when I heard Luison speak.

"You bastard! You're going to get us both killed!" I stopped, that was the last thing I expected to hear. It was also very suspicious, I inched closer doing my best to stay out of their line of sight.

"Keep it down!" The man hissed, looking around warily. I quickly ducked behind a wall. Holding my breath, listening intently for any sign that he'd seen me. "Do you want me to get caught?! it's not like they will notice, it's just a map and key they won't know it's gone until they are already out of town." The darker man retorted.

"Obviously it was important if you had to try so damn hard!" Luison wiped a hand down his face. "Just please tell me you still have them." He must have seen something on his face, as he cursed. I had gathered that the map and key were Thorins. I honestly wonder when Thorin, Thorin, left himself so vulnerable that some man was able to steal something so important. I had to get back to them and pray to the Valar that they believed me. Hopefully the missing map and key were proof enough. I tried to act natural. Walking like I hadn't seen or heard them.

"Ah lass," I winced when Luison called to me. His voice back to calm, almost kind. I turned, slowly, and drew upon my best acting skills.

"Hello, mister Luison," I really hope my smile didn't look as fake as it was.

"What are you doing out here without the rest of your group?" The man behind him narrowed his eyes at me and I fought off the urge to fidget.

"They'd annoyed me so I thought I'd wait out with the horses for them," I laughed, trying to stick to the truth as much as possible. I shifted trying to look embarrassed instead of uncomfortable. "I walked right past the stables. By the time I figured out I was going the wrong way my irritation was bearable." I didn't think the other man entirely believed me.

"Who's your friend?"

"None of your business," I jumped and took a step back not having expected the man to speak.

"I..uh," I took another step back and gestured to the inn. "I'd better be getting back inside, nice seeing you mister Luison." I forced myself to turn my back and calmly walk-in to the building. My heart was pounding by the time I closed the door. I hurried over to the table where the dwarves, Bilbo and Gandalf were still sitting. Bilbo must have noticed something in my face as he sat up straighter.

"Razena, what's wrong?" I gave him a small smile trying to reassure him. I turned to Thorin.

"Thorin I think someone might have stolen your map and key." He sat up straighter as did the other dwarves.

Is that a look appropriate for this?

He gave me that look, like one would give a child who's telling you something you know is wrong, and you think its funny so you indulge them. "And what gave you that ridiculous idea Lady Razena?"

"I was just outside and I overheard some men talking, someone stole a key," I scanned the room, seeing nothing obvious I turned back. "Look if you don't believe me that's fine, you barely know me, but please I'd feel a lot better if you'd just checked. I know how important those items are to this quest." I'd dropped my voice into a whisper for the last sentence. He glared but reached into the bag by his feet. His face didn't change but by the way he searched his pockets I'd say that he was starting to panic on the inside. Like realizing your phone isn't in your back pocket, then finding out its been stolen by some, by some crazy man who really, really needs a bath.

He snapped his head up and stared at me intensely. "Where were these men?"

* * *

I honestly felt kinda bad for Luison. I mean if I was on the receiving end of the looks he was getting I'd have probably wet myself by now. Not to mention Dwalins axe was pointed straight at his throat while two dwarves each held an arm behind his back. Thorin grabbed the man's chin and yanked so that their faces were level.

"You filthy excuse for a man, where are my belongings," Thorin was going for intimidation. He didn't yell but his voice was sharp, angry, and his eyes were digging holes into the taller man.

"I do not have them," he didn't go into further detail but I already knew he didn't have them.

"Yeah your friend already sent them off, sold them maybe, but you probably know where to find him,"

You…You…Traitor," Luison was glaring at me.

"Traitor to who?" I asked. "I don't know you." Thorin narrowed his eyes at me then barked something at the starfish haired one, Nori, who came to stand by me. The man just had to say traitor, didn't he?

"You can't be serious?!" I glanced between them outraged. "I'm the one who told you about it in the first place!"

"Just a precaution lassie," I glared at Nori. This was ridiculous!

Thorin turned his attention back to the restrained man. "You going to take us to the thief."

"And if I don't?" Dwalin took a menacing step forward, ax nearly nicking Luisons neck. "Well, what are we waiting for?" He laughed nervously. The man was hauled to his feet and pushed forward.

"Get moving," Thorin demanded. "No funny business or it's the last thing you'll do." Luison nodded quickly and some of the dwarves made for the ponies.

"It'll be easier on foot, draw less attention to ourselves," Balin stopped them. The grumbled but at Thorin's agreeing nod left the ponies. The walk wasn't pleasant with suspicious glares lighting my back on fire and Nori as my shadow. My only comfort was Bilbo who trusted me, knew that I wouldn't do anything like this. The path was so overgrown I kept tripping on tree roots and scraping my arms on errant tree branches. The slow-moving line came to an abrupt stop after three hours give or take an hour or two. We had stopped in front of some ruins. It seemed like this had been a small settlement. A crumbling stone wall stood around rotting buildings and a stone keep sat mostly unharmed in the center. There were campsites set up inside the walls where bandits and common thieves sat around fires. My first thought upon seeing it was. "Why can't anything be easy?!"


	7. Chapter 7

To whoever actually reads this. Yes the chapter is late.

 _Oops, I'm sorry that would be my fault._

 _*tears up*They took the Clone Wars off Netflix._

* * *

" **Alright, your map and key should be in there. Now if you'll kindly let me go.** " Luison gestured with his head toward the camp. Thorin scowled at him.

" **Why should I let you go, thief?** " If it wasn't so far below him, I'm sure Thorin would have spat at him.

Luison has an easy grin on his face. " **I haven't stolen anything myself in years. I work. It perhaps doesn't pay as well, but my wife prefers I do honest work.** "

Thorin huffed and most of the Dwarves appeared disbelieving. Not that I blamed them, we didn't know this man, he could have stolen something yesterday for all we knew.

" **We can't just let the thief leave.** "

" **No, but what if we had him help.** " I shifted under all their stares but didn't back down. " **He knew the way to the camp so he probably knows his way around. If he's with us then he can be of use and can be watched at the same time. Once we get the map and the key we can let him go. He'll go back to his job and you'll never have to see him again.** " I pretty sure some of the more petty dwarves wanted to dismiss my idea just because it came from me.

" **Aye, that might not be a bad idea lass.** " Balin was stroking his beard. " **We are far outnumbered stealth would be our best bet.** " He glanced back at his companions. " **I'm afraid we don't have the most stealthy of groups.** "

" **Aye, Nori, the thief, the hobbit and the girl are the most stealthy among us.** " Gloin chimed in. Thorin looked severely unhappy but at the moment he didn't really have much of a choice.

' _ **In case you forgot, the hobbits name is Bilbo, I'm Razena**_ ' Or that's what I wanted to say. I wasn't in the greatest standing with them at the moment. I wouldn't be able to keep my words polite had I actually spoken them.

" **You four will retrieve the map and the key unnoticed and return here. Nori watch them.** " Luison started to protest but a harsh look from Dwalin shut him up quickly. We left most of our heavy equipment and started heading down towards the wall. Luison was first followed by Bilbo, me, then Nori, who was taking up the back probably to keep an eye on us. We ducked behind large pieces of moss covered wall. Just as we were about to move Luison held up a hand.

" **What is it? Why are we stopping?** " Bilbo whispered. He was on the receiving end of a glare from the man as a voice was heard. Its owner not to far from where we were crouched.

" **Did you hear that?** " It was slightly slurred and I hoped any concerns he had would be dismissed as drunken disillusions.

There was a scoff. " **No, you are just hearing things** _ **again**_."

" **Oh.** " I could basically hear the sober man rolling his eyes

" **The same thing happened last time. It's the ale. Does funny things to your head**."

Luison peaked around the corner quickly then motioned for us to move on quickly. My steps were as silent as I could get them and for a race that seemed so very loud Nori moved surprisingly quietly. The two men were turned away from us, the sober supporting his drunken companion. There was the still standing part of the wall that was just low enough that Luison and I could make it over. It was also slightly covered by a fallen part so the two men couldn't see us. I dropped into a crouch and help my hands out for Bilbo.

" **Just like the pony,** " I whispered so quietly I was nearly mouthing the words. He bit his lip but nodded.

" **One, two,** " I tensed my muscles in preparation. " **Three,** " I forced his foot upwards while he simultaneously pushed off the ground with his other foot. His hand found a hold on the end and I helped him pull himself up by pushing on his foot. Luison and I looked at Nori. There was no way I could do what I did for Bilbo for him. I glanced at Luison for help. He squatted across from me hands cupped together.

" **Master Baggins, is the area clear?** " Luison has his head tilted a bit to look at the top where Bilbo's head had disappeared. His curly hair popped back into view.

" **Yes, I do not see anyone nearby.** "

Nori didn't look at all happy as he took a step back. Gaining momentum before landing one foot in each hand. Both of us pushed up and I think my arms just about died. Nori's feet found purchase with practiced ease as he scaled the rest of the wall.

" **Still clear?** " Bilbo gave a positive answer before I peaked back at the two men. They were still facing away. The sober one arguing with the drunken one making frustrated hand gestures. I nodded to Luison. He followed Nori's example and took a running start. Easily swinging himself up to straddle the wall. He reached down and I jumped for his hand. I clasped my hand around his wrist, his hand doing the same to mine. He pulled me up as I used the rocks and ledge to assist in pulling myself up. We both dropped down to where Nori and Bilbo were waiting.

" **Do you have any idea where it might be?** " I asked moving closer.

" **I know who stole it and can guess who they gave it to for transportation.** "

Nori snorted. " **So ye don't know where it is, and we are already inside the camp. Aye, this was a terrible idea.** "

" **Come now Mister Nori, I'm sure Mister Luison has an idea of where to look.** " Bilbo glanced over at Luison hopefully.

" **Aye that I do. On the other side of the fortress is where his group likes to settle down.** "

" **Well, it's better than nothing.** " I tried to stay positive. Nori sneered but didn't say anything. We started back off following Luison. He led us down a staircase to a tunnel that went to another part of the fallen courtyard. Then back up some stairs and onto a rampart going above one or 2 more camps. Luckily no one was up here. I kept as low to the ground as I could my knees screaming at me. I ignored their pleas to straighten out. The going was slow. We eventually arrived at the other side of the fortress when Luison pointed to a group. They were camped out against a still-standing portion of the wall. Two were sleeping and the others were sitting around the fire. There were three and only one with his back towards us. There was no way to approach without being spotted.

" **Well, I got you here.** " I glared at the man, this was really not the time.

" **Fine you don't have to steal it back but you can tell us how to distract them while someone takes back the items.** "

" **Someone could go up and distract them** ," He glanced at me and I had a really bad feeling about what was about to come out of his mouth. " **The best option would probably be you lass. A pretty face is bound to distract them.** "

" **No.** " Bilbo objected.

" **What?! No.** " I agreed with Bilbo and even Nori seemed against the idea.

" **You wanted a way to distract them and I gave you one.** "

" **Any other suggestions?** " I looked desperately at Nori and Bilbo. I really wanted to say no absolutely not, I really, really wanted to say no. I was not an actor. This was a really bad idea but at the moment it was our only idea and every moment we spent here was another we risked detection. When no one spoke I glared at each of them.

" **If I pull this off y'all are going to owe me big time.** " I pulled down the neck of my t-shirt and tucked the end into my trousers so it was more form fitting. I knew my outfit already wasn't socially acceptable, trousers and a black t-shirt. Now it was even more so with the low cut neck. A deep breath and a parting glare at their blushing faces I left the relative safety of our hiding spot. If they didn't pull this off I was going to burn them alive.

I put the prettiest smile on my face as I confidently crossed the distance to the men. Trying to find a reason that I'd be here. The two facing this way kicked their buddy at my approach.

" **Oh thank the Valar,** " I placed my hand on the closest one's shoulder. He twisted his head to get a better look at me. The three men weren't paying their surroundings any attention.

" **I've got a promising target in the next town and have been looking for some partners. None of the others I've come across looked as,** " I slid my hand down to his bicep. " **promising. I saw you and I think I would be much… safer.** " With the end of my sentence, I moved again lingering my touch of the man's arm. I sat down close to one of the cleaner men. My knee touching really needed to hurry it up. I spotted Nori searching through their belongings.

" **What do you say?** " I leaned forward resting my elbows on my knees. Trying my best to appear relaxed and nearly jumped when the man's hand came around, resting on my hip. They smirked.

" **If the job pays well, you've got yourself a deal.** "

" **I promise it'll pay** _**well**_ **.** " I practically purred and winced internally. _Oh, if they weren't thankful..._ Nori discreetly nodded and I tried to come up with an excuse to leave and get the man's hand off my hip.

I pulled gently at the hand. " **Let me gather my things and we can discuss details.** " The men's eyes were still on me but they let me leave without interruption. I walked calmly until I was behind cover. I yanked my shirt back up and shivered, it had worked. I honestly can't believe I had pulled that off.

I pointed a finger at the three. " **I am NEVER doing that again.** " Nori seemed to be more agreeable, nodding.

" **Aye, you will not be asked to.** "

" **Yes, you will never be doing that again!** " If Bilbo's face could get any redder he'd be a tomato. I turned to Nori.

" **Did you get them?** " I asked desperately. He nodded and we headed back out to the rest of the group.

" **Did you get them?** " Thorin demanded. The group turning to stare.

" **We are all fine thank you for asking.** " I snarked. He picked me out in the group easily enough, his eyebrows drawn down and lip raised.

" **Watch your tone, girl.** " Thorin snarled and Nori said something in their language. Thorin's demeanor changed. I could guess what they were talking about. Blood rushed to my face and everyone turned to look at me.

" **I don't want to talk about it.** " They stared for a second longer before turning away and discussing something quickly in their language. I know they were talking about what I did. I went and stood by Bilbo ready to head back to the town, the embarrassment still burning on my cheeks.

" **Now that you have what is rightfully yours back in your possession, I believe I should be allowed free.** " Luison just seemed to have the worst timing.

" **Once you lead us back to Bree you will be allowed to leave,** " Balin answered with an almost pitying smile. Thorin crossed his arms and I figured he had grudgingly agreed.

Luison sighed but in the presence of so many armed people he really didn't have any room to argue and he knew it.

" **Fine, this way then.** " He started off into the forest and the rest of the group filed behind. I found the walk back much more pleasant, Dori moved plants and hanging branches out of the way. it was much nicer than on the way to the fortress, I was thankful for that as my skin was already battered from the walk to the fortress and from sneaking around in it. It's only like 9 and I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. I'm ready to sit on a horse again and maybe sleep against Gandalf. I was totally changing into long sleeves once I had the chance. Nori slipped Thorin the map and key. Which Thorin slipped into his clothing and put the key around his neck instead of in his bag.

I was never more thankful for the stench of Bree. We trudged through the gates and Luison was gone as fast as he could. I really wasn't sad to see him go. Another few minutes later we're in view of the Prancing Pony

We headed inside and finished packing up our stuff and went back down to the stables. My blood boiled in my veins as I spotted sweet little Argyle shifting nervously, as an obviously well to do noble stood above him threateningly. The man raised his hand and I acted before thinking. My hand wrapped around his wrist and he glared down at me offended.

" **Argyle how about you go and find your father.** " He nodded and ran back to the Prancing Pony.

" **Unhand me! What do you think you're doing!?** " I dropped his wrist as if it had burned me.

" **Putting a stop to an assault on a child, you pig.** " His face twisted in anger but he made no move towards me, I turned but not before shooting a glare. I would have left him alone had he not threatened Argyle, but I would not let him hurt that sweet boy if I could stop it. As I was heading back to the others I heard Bilbo shout a warning, apparently, this man isn't the sharpest twig in the pile. I only barely managed to dodge his next punch. It would have hit me had my reflexes been any slower. The only reason I would ever be thankful for the apocalypse: it teaches one how to move, and move fast.

I struck like a cobra. My knee meeting his diaphragm faster than the man could probably think. Once he had slumped over gasping I pushed the man into a pile of what was likely a mix of mud and horse poop. Ruining his very expensive clothing.

" **Mighty impressive, lass.** " Dwalin laughed slightly and his hand fell away from his battle ax. Many of the dwarves relaxed from where they had been reaching for their weapons. I don't think it would have mattered if they had or hadn't liked me. You don't attack a person when their back is turned

I raised an eyebrow slightly. Bifur grunted making some hand gestures to follow. " **He says 'you've got some quick reflexes there, lass.'** " Bofur translated. I grinned slightly, the annoyance at the previous encounter fading.

" **Thanks, let's get out of here.** " Nearly everyone agreed simultaneously rushing to pack everything onto the ponies. A few more minutes and we were on our way. I leaned down near Bilbo from my spot in the back.

" **Only not even a week in, quite a bit more adventure than we were expecting, huh?** " he gave a shaky laugh.

" **If this keeps up I might almost regret signing that blasted contract.** " I only grinned at him in response as we finally left the rank human town of Bree.


	8. Chapter 8

The rest day wasn't too eventful thankfully. I'd asked Bilbo where he thought the noble was from about an hour or two after we'd cleared the gates of Bree. He'd been confused for half a second before patiently explaining to me how unlikely it was that the man had actually been a noble. After Balin had finished loudly and angrily chewing out Thorin for his carelessness he had joined Bilbo in educating me on the social classes of men and where those of higher standing would usually be found. Which wasn't anywhere near Bree.

"So what was that man doing in bree?" Balin hummed at my question stroking his beard.

"Bree was most likely a rest stop for him just as it was for us. Although it is highly unusual that he was without an escort or guard."

"Couldn't they have gone inside?" I'd shifted on my saddle, so it'd be easier to look down at both Bilbo and Balin.

Balin hummed thoughtfully. "It is possible, depending on his status."

"Perhaps he stole the clothing and is using it for some nefarious purpose!" I laughed a little. I doubt we'd ever really know for certain what he was doing there but I could have fun speculating. "Or maybe he ran away from home and is joining a group of traveling musicians."

"Him?" Bilbo huffs a little laugh. "That's ridiculous, if that man were to join a traveling group it would be to annoy them into getting to the destination faster."

I nodded very seriously. "Very true, very true. I'm sure it has to be a very well paying job." I tried to hold a straight face but I made the mistake of looking to Balin. Whose face was drawn into a hilarious mixture of amusement and disbelief. I cracked. Snickering turned into full laughter which drew the attention of the dwarves riding ahead of us. Most simply shook their heads at us but the younger ones, Fili and Kili, fell back. I couldn't tell you who was who, but I knew that those were their names.

"May we ask what's so amusing?" The brunette asked, he kind of reminded me of a puppy. Happy, curious and full of energy. The blond was more reserved but I'd seen him wrestle with his brother in camp when they thought me and Bilbo went looking. Actually all of the dwarves acted different when Bilbo and I weren't looking or they thought we weren't looking. I mentally shook myself.

"Oh we were just speculating."

"Oh? About what?"

"The nefarious purposes of fake nobles, of course."

"There is simply no way of knowing if he was a fake or not." Baling corrected me and I pointed at him.

"Part of the specutiulation then." Balin sighs. I found out that Kili was the brunette and the younger brother, while Fili was older and blond. It wouldn't be hard to just remember that Fili had the braided mustache.

Lunch came and Bombur passed around meat and a slice of cheese on bread. I offered my bread to Bilbo who waved me off. He'd picked some fruit while we rode that morning, and I was happy to stuff the midday meal down my throat. Then we started off again Bilbo road up along side Gandalf and they talked. I caught the name 'Sack-ville Baggins', shuttered, and focused back on my own conversations.

Kili, Fili, and I played traveling games and told jokes for the rest of the day. For an hour or two we pulled Ori into it but he left because I pointed out that Dori kept glancing back and Nori seemed annoyed by his lack of attention.

We had stew for dinner that night. I couldn't eat as much as I had wanted, Bombur and Bilbo made a mean stew, but it felt great to not be hungry. The new bedroll Bilbo and I had gotten in Bree were much better than the fur I had brought from the Shire.

The next day was much the same with the exception of Dwalin pulling me aside while Bilbo and Bombur where cooking.

"Can I help you Mr. Dwalin?" I wasn't sure exactly where I stood with most of the elder Dwarves after Bree. They seemed to tolerate me more, but that doesn't really change how fast they turned on me. Sure they only knew me three, four days but to turn on me after a couple words from a man we'd met the day before? Just because we were the same race? That's going to take time to get over.

"Training." He grunted and I just blinked at him.

"Right now?" He raised an eyebrow as if to say 'what do you think?'

"Alright I'll just go grab my sword," I jerked my thumb over to where Bilbo and I had set up.

"Lesson one, always have your weapon on you." I raised my eyebrow and glanced down at my gun. That was a lesson I learned the hard way.

"I'll remember that mister Dwalin." I jogged over and attached the belt around my waist.

"So what first?" I asked hands on my hips.

"First," he grumbled pulling out his battle ax. "Show me what you've got lassie." I stared, he wanted me to do what now?

"Uh so just… attack you?"

"What do you think?" He walked a few feet and turns with an axe the ready.

"Right, silly me," I bent my knees a little my dominant leg sliding back and held my sword firmly in front of me. Right, just think of him as a zombie. A strong, thinking... yeah that line of thinking wasn't going to work. I lunged anyway and swung my sword at his neck.

I watch as Dwalin brought his axe to block it and slide it away from him back towards my side. Pulling back slightly I fell back in my typical next move. I chopped down at his arm and he in retaliation spins it around in his hands and my attack bounces off the head of the axe. I twist my wrist so the flat of the blade is in between and lean my body weight into it. I twist my dominant leg around the back of his knee and pull. He does not move. Which wasn't the plan as now I'm off balanced. He pushed our blades back and I'm falling. I drop the blade and I'm bending backwards. My hands lay flat against the dirt I coil my legs to my chest. Then spring back making contact with his chin. He stumbles backwards and I flip to my feet hands coming up ready to trade blows.

I slowly relaxed lowering my hands to my sides. Dwalin is rubbing his jaw eyebrows raised in surprise. I almost apologize but then he's laughing.

"Well done lassie!" He picks up my fallen blade and hands it to me. There's a clinking behind me and when I turn coin purses are being tossed around.

"Wha….?" I watched confused and there a bunch of disappointed curses. A majority of the bags are heading towards an openly smug Gandalf and a proud Bilbo. A few minutes later I'm sitting on my bed roll. A bowl entered my field of vision being carried by a smiling Bombur, who congratulated me on landing a hit on Dwalin.

"Is that was the bet was about?" I take the wooden bowl from him.

"Aye, whether or not you could land a hit on Dwalin."

"To be honest I didn't think I would," I admitted placing the stew between my crossed legs.

"Well you did, you should be proud lass." I smiled up at him.

"Thanks Bombur." He left to pass out the rest of the evening meal. Fill and Kili came by later to congratulate me as well. I went to bed that night with Bilbo's proud smile and my own feelings of accomplishment.

After that night we traveled across amazing lands. Bright and green. Nature almost untouched by the races that inhabited it. I wondered if Earth looked something like this at some point. I saw cliffs, valleys, and forests. Where sunshine had difficulty reaching the ground.

There was a bit of rough traveling but I noticed we stuck close to rivers for its water. I might just cook that ramen in my bag one of these days. Going up the steep hills, I want to say they were mountains but that was only because we traveled through valleys so often. I was a bit worried when we started heading down a steep trail. I mean the view was amazing I could see over forests all the way to the horizon, but people riding close to me could almost see the discomfort coming off me in waves.

I looked out from an outcrop on one of the mountains that we were traveling across when someone noticed the sun going down and someone had the bright idea we should sleep here. I could see the appeal. Harder to attack with the rock against our backs it was a good place to camp. Only two entrances also meant only two exits or an attack from above. I shoved off my discomfort. Bilbo and I still slept near the edge of the camp. Which honestly didn't help calm my nerves down. I wasn't usually this nervous but I'd had another episode the night before and what still shaking off the effects.

Bombur was snoring away. Lucky dwarf. I winced as he drew in moths. Alright I wasn't jealous anymore. Bilbo still unable to sleep well with the snoring jerked up and glared at the offending dwarf. He stood up and stretched wandering over to the ponies. I watched still sitting in disgust as moths entered his mouth again. How was he still asleep?! Bilbo whispered something and 'secretly' fed Myrtle.

A scream pierced the air and I sat straight up. Hand moving to rest on my gun. Bilbo flinched back moving quickly back to the realities safety of the camp.

"What was that?" Bilbo's voice wavered in fear. Kili and Fili sat straighter.

"Orcs." Kili answered seriously.

"Orcs?" Bilbo parroted moving even closer.

"Throat-cutters. There'll be dozens of them out there. The lone-lands are crawling with them." Fili explained.

"They strike in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood." Bring my shoulders back and clench my hands into fists. Memories of early nights afraid, shaking, huddled up against my brother. Couldn't see but couldn't light a fire. A beacon, don't let them know where you are. But they'd found us. There were screams that night. My brother yelling dragging me away from the carnage as the horde of zombies descended on the unexpected group of sleeping humans. Screams of my friends and family as they were eaten alive. The smell of rotting flesh and blood- snickering brought me out of my memories.

"You think that's funny!" I exploded my words were harsh and my hands were clenched into white nuclkled fists. "Night raids aren't funny!" I started shaking from which emotion I couldn't tell you. The lingering fear, the anger or maybe a combination of both. Kili and Filis face went from surprised to regretful.

"You think that's funny? You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?" Thorins got up and walked across the camp. Kilis face turn into one of a kicked puppy. My anger lessened from boiling to a simmering. They're uncles disappointment was enough punishment. They didn't know.

"We didn't mean anything by it." Kili muttered

"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world." Thorin voice was pained and it was soft, which must have been worse for Fili and Kili than if he had yelled.

Balin stands from his place against the rock and walks over to the boys. I relaxed against the wall unclenching my fists and trying to relax. I definitely wasn't sleeping tonight.

"Don't mind him, laddie." Balin comforts them. "Thorin has more cause than most to hate Orcs." Balin begins telling a story and I focus in on that instead on the memories that are trying to swallow me.

"After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain...King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient Dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had got there first. Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs...led by the most vile of all their race: Azog the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc...had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began...by beheading the king." I glanced over at Thorin. He most likely didn't like hearing the retelling. I know I wouldn't. Bilbo sat down next to me.

"Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing. Taken prisoner or killed...we did not know. We were leaderless. Defeat and death...were upon us.That is when I saw him. A young Dwarf prince...facing down the pale Orc.He stood alone against this terrible foe. His armor rent...wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield. Azog the Defiler learned that day...that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied...wand drove the Orcs back. And our enemy...had been defeated. But there was no feast...nor song that night...for our dead were beyond the count of grief." Fili, Kili, Bilbo and I sat entranced.

"We few had survived. And I thought to myself then...there is one who I could follow. There is one...I could call king." All the dwarves stood around staring at Thorin's back. He slowly turned to look back at them.

"And the pale Orc?" Bilbo asked. "What happened to him?" Of course the only time Bilbo wouldn't flinch as he stared down Thorin was in the pursuit of knowledge.

"He slunk back into the hole whence he came." Thorin spat. "That filth died of his wounds long ago." I caught a sceptical glance shared between Gandalf and Balin. Apparently they thought differently. I know a Hobbit with only one arm. Maybe it's because the hobbits are cleaner or have better medical treatments but the wound was a survivable one. If Thorin didn't see the body for himself...well one could only hope that the creature named Azog the defiler was dead. I had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't the case.

Everyone settled down after that most going straight back to sleep. Bomburs snores where just as loud as ever and were not helping my already frayed nerves. Bilbo placed his hand on my shoulder and I gestured for him to get some sleep. I'd be fine.

There were two thumps as people dropped down on either side of me. I kept my eyes firmly on the horizon.

"We are sorry, Lady Ryan," Kili began softly.

"Our joke was cruel and unbefitting of princes. We shouldn't have made it." Fili continued. I didn't answer for a few seconds.

"I forgive you," I tilted my head back to look at the stars. "You didn't know how it would affect me. Besides it was all in good fun." I gave them a weak smile.

"That's no excuse."

Eh Thorin's bad memories were shared with the entire camp, I might as well share. Besides, I hear it's good to share these things. "I was in a night raid, it was almost three years ago now," I began slowly. "I was traveling with a group of...refugees. We were scared, and cold. Didn't know enough to set up a watch, or how to make a fire. It was dark and I was half asleep. Curled up to my brother for warmth when they," I paused trying to find the right word. "Attacked. They made no noise, and descended upon us like spiders dropping down from their webs. We only noticed when a woman at the edge of camp screamed. They were...eating her alive. My brother jerked me up and we ran. Left all of our supplies behind, as well as the group. There were so many screams, the people who were sleeping and the people who didn't move fast enough…...were…." I trailed off not really wanting to finish the sentence.

"I don't know if anyone else survived it." I shuttered the gears in their heads were turning trying to figure out what had attacked. I was pretty sure they had enough tact to know not to ask.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I couldn't decide if someone was watching or if it was my own paranoia. I scanned the horizon but found nothing, not surprising I don't have night vision. The feeling was gone a few moments later. If sleep was difficult before it was impossible now. I stayed up the rest of the night.

That morning I really regretted not trying harder. As I didn't have Gandalf to sleep against I kept nodding off. Only to jerk back up again when I started sliding. The only thing keeping me awake that afternoon was the ache in my butt from riding all day.

The next two days were better. I'd fallen asleep early each night after helping set up the camp. On the third day the sky opened the floodgates. Soaking everyone. It wasn't pleasant but it would have been a lot worse for Bilbo if we hadn't bought him a cloak.


	9. Chapter 9

"Here, Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?" Dori called done with being soaked. I, for one, didn't mind all too much, truthfully I was considering breaking out the soap. I could smell myself and huuu boy did the dwarves need a bath.

"It is raining, Master Dwarf," Gandalf turned a little in his saddle to answer. "And it will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another Wizard." Dori sighs disappointed and I snickered pulling off my hood to let the rain run through my hair. Tilting my head back to the water also hit my face. Was it the smartest decision? No. Did it feel fantastic? Yes. Was I going to regret it later? Probably.

"Are there any?" Bilbo asked curious his nose twitching from the raindrops falling from his hood.

"What?"

"Other Wizards." Bilbo clarified.

"There are five of us," Gandalf answered. "The greatest of our order is Saruman the White. Then there are the two Blue Wizards... Do you know, I've quite forgotten their names."

"And who is the fifth?"

"Well, that would be Radagast the Brown."

"Is he a great Wizard? Or is he more like you?" Bilbo asks slyly and I barked out a laugh which got me a dirty look from Gandalf. That look found its way to Bilbo who merely looked back expectantly.

"I think he's a very great Wizard, in his own way." He finally answered looking forward. "He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the east. And a good thing too. For always evil will look to find a foothold in this world."

"Are they all men?" I blurted out. "No dwarfs or elves, I mean? But elves have magic too what amount of magic qualifies someone to be a wizard?"

"It is true all of us take the form of men. And while it is true that the Elves have magic, magic itself does not qualify one to be a wizard."

"You said 'take the form of'. Does that mean you can choose what you look like?"

"In some regards, I suppose." He hummed and Bilbo jumped back on the question train.

"Can you change form at will?" Oris' hand twitches. If it wasn't raining I'm sure he'd be writing all of this down. Gandalf hums but doesn't give a definitive answer. I take it as a yes.

"Will you do it right now?" I bounce on my horse a little, much to the amusement of some of the others around me. I asked half out of curiosity and half to get on his nerves.

"For the love of Eru, child." Gandalf looks down exasperated. "I will not."

"But you could." I pointed out a giant smile on my face. He sighs but doesn't answer otherwise.

The rain stopped that afternoon. We had stopped for lunch when it slowed to a drizzle then stopped completely. The sun streaming through the leaves improved moods. Their damp clothing keeping them still somewhat grumpy. Except for Bifur but so far it seemed like he was a complete opposite than the rest of his group. Eating greens, not minding showers and he couldn't speak common. So obviously I spent the rest of my afternoon with him. I knew maybe two signs in American sign language. The Hobbits had one but I wasn't supposed to share that unless someone asked. Hobbits were weird like that. The Dwarves had one too and after a short discussion between Bifur and Balin. It was decided that I was allowed to learn it as there was no rule against it. He taught me the sign for hello, goodbye, good morning, goodnight, hungry and thirsty before we settled down for the night.

The next few days I spent most of the afternoon with Bifur. He taught me what signs he could but often had to call to the nearest dwarf for a translation in common. I was so thankful that he understood common as I'd try to sign and speak at the same time. Sometimes stopping in the middle of a sentence because I didn't know the signs to continue. I could understand most of what he was trying to tell me. When he signed slowly anyway. I had breakfast with Bilbo and sometimes we talked for an hour or two. I showed him what I'd learned with Bifur the night before and he'd help me practice. I'd talk to Fili and Kili for a bit, well they talked I listened. They told stories which would more times than not turn into storytime. People chiming in with input or their own stories. Dwalin pulled me away before dinner each night but we didn't 'spar' again. He taught me the forms and had me run through them till my arms were shaking. After I'd gotten an understanding he gave them numbers and shouted them out at random. I'm pretty sure Bilbo fed me and tucked me in one night because I was so tired. Bilbo and I were still at the edge of the camp. We ate dinner together as the dwarves are in a group by the fire. Laughing and telling jokes and stories in their native tongue.

The land around us was slowly changing from dense forests to grasslands. The trees were thinning out and the grass was getting higher. That meant we were getting more sun exposure. Thankfully there was still enough shade to keep me from getting a sunburn on the top of my head and my face.

We came upon the first man-made structure I'd seen in days. It was a broken-down home with an equally broken barn. What concerned me was the way it was broken. The roofs were broken in the walls only slightly damaged. This wasn't the work of a fire and it didn't look old enough for time to have done this. That and Gandalf's worried face. If Gandalfs worried we should all be worried. But no one else seemed concerned so I didn't bring it up.

"We'll camp here for the night," Thorin ordered bringing his pony to face the rest of us. "Fili, Kili, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them."

"A farmer and his family used to live here." I was close enough to head Gandalf's statement having come closer to inspect the building. _wonderful_

"Oin, Gloin. Get a fire going." Thorin barked out.

"Aye. Right you are." Gloin and Oin answered moving to do as ordered. I moved away from the house and swung off of my horse. It felt wonderful to stretch my legs. I bend down to touch my toes when Gandalf stormed past.

"Everything all right? Gandalf, where are you going?" Bilbo called out after him. His hand pausing in stroking his ponies nose.

"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense."

"You just passed Bilbo," I snarkily called after him. Both Bilbo and Balin gave me disapproving looks. Bilbo hissing a 'Razena' I shrugged.

"And who's that?" Bilbo turned to call out to Gandalf's back.

"Myself, Mr. Baggins. I've had enough of Dwarves for one day." Gandalf stomped off into the trees. Bilbo and I watched him go the others going on as if nothing was wrong. I stood there for a moment longer before heading off to collect firewood with my buddy who today was Ori.

"Come on, Bombur, we're hungry," Thorin snapped and Bombur and Bilbo started on dinner.

I was sprawled out over my bedroll chest heaving and covered in sweat but my body didn't hurt as much. Hopefully, that meant I was getting stronger. Bilbo said he'd bring me a bowl. Bofur shoved two bowls in his hands and said something. Bilbo gave me an apologetic smile then headed in the direction of Fili and Kili.

I pushed myself up and headed over to the fire. Just in time to see Bofur slap Bomburs' hand with the ladle.

"Stop it. You've had plenty." I snorted at Bombers dejected look. I held out my bowl for stew and smiled at Bofur.

"Aye, it's not a bad stew, Bombur." Gloin patted him on the back as he passed on the way to his bedroll.

"I've had worse." Nori teased then glanced at his older brother. "Dori could've cooked it."

"Hilarious." Dori deadpanned before taking another bite. I snickered and thanked Bofur and Bombur for the stew. I plopped down back on my bedroll and took a bite. My stomach felt like a bottomless pit and I shoveled the rest of the stew into my mouth. I place the bowl down next to me and flop down. Staring up at the darkened sky. I couldn't see many stars yet but the view of the stars here was amazing.

I stared up at the stars for a while just relaxing in the rapidly cooling air. When something came crashing through the bushes, I bolted up hand resting on my gun. Fili frantically gesturing in the way he came.

"Trolls! There are three trolls! They took the ponies and left Bilbo and Kili to deal distract the trolls."

"Hurry!" Thorin ordered. The camp bursts into action. Thankfully armor hadn't been removed yet and weapons were only an arm's length away. I jumped up but Thorin glared at me. "You will be staying here. You will only be more of a hindrance to us. Stay here and out of our way." I opened my mouth to protest, one withering glare from him later and it shut. A lump formed in the back of my throat. With my sword skills at the level they were, I knew he was right. That didn't stop the sting.

I slumped back down on my bedroll and watched them leave. Once they'd left I threw a rock in their direction as hard as I could. This sucked. My eyes drifted over to my pack. I'd been saving my ramen for a special occasion, but maybe using it as a comfort would be better. I grabbed a pot from my mess kit and poured some of my water in it. I put it over the fire and waited for it to boil. After that, I opened the packet and poured in the Ramen and read the directions. It'd been so long and the smell made my mouth water. I let it sit for 3 minutes and kept track of time by counting Mississippis'. I then took the pot off the fire and set it on a rock, pouring in the flavor packet. I stirred it until the seasoning disappeared and then waited a few minutes for it to cool down.

I melted when I put the first bite in my mouth. Was it wrong that I'd really missed processed foods? It soothed my hurt feelings in a way no other food, besides ice cream, could. I ended up trying to lick the pot clean.

Cleaning the pot and the left out bowls I sat back on a log. Looking in the direction they went I felt the first strings of worry tug at my heart. I knew they were very capable warriors. Dwalin's head was probably hard enough to be a cannonball but they still weren't back. I pursed my lips together and decided I'd give them another half an hour.

I waited on my bedroll. I shoved an extra handful of bullets in my cargo pocket and loaded my gun. Strapping my sword on I waited. Staring expectantly at the woods like they'd walk out covered in blood but victorious. They'd tell me the story before we went to bed tonight and everything would be fine.

They didn't come back.

I waited 30 minutes then fifteen more straining my ears to catch any sign of them crashing through the foliage. Nothing. I stood and followed the trail they made cautiously. A couple minutes of walking later I spotted a light through the trees. I drew my gun and creeping forward I peeked into the camp. My mouth fell open. I know they said trolls but this wasn't what I had pictured. They were huge three times my size and one of there legs were as thick as an oak tree. ' _Well, that explains why they didn't come back.'_ I thought as I stared at the huge spit slowly turning over an even bigger fire. The rest of the dwarves were tied in sacks and tossed to the side.

My sword was going to be useless unless I managed to get to those tied up. I wasn't even sure my bullets would pierce their flesh.

"Oh! That's hot, that's hot, that's hot!" Was a sentiment echoed by most of the dwarves on the spit. Some of them were blowing on the fire as if it would do anything.

"Don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." One of the trolls said. _They spoke. Oh my god we were all going to die._

"They should be sauteed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." I blinked slowly at the one that had an apron on. ' _I guess even giant creatures want something that tastes nice.'_

"Is this really necessary?" Someone shouts out as they go around.

"That does sound quite nice." The first one looked like it was contemplating it.

"Untie me, mister." "Eat someone your own size." I shouldn't find that funny but I did. I muffled my laughter behind my hand.

"Never mind the seasoning. We ain't got all night. Dawn ain't far away. Let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone."A troll complained and a light bulb went off simultaneously in Bilbo and I heads. He struggled to his feet.

"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake." He shouted looking up upon the creatures. Tiny in comparison, he looked even smaller in his burlap sack.

"You can't reason with them. They're half-wits!" Dori called as he passed by.

"Half-wits? What does that make us?" Even being roasted alive Bofur got snarky. I was quietly moving through the trees.

"I meant with the seasoning." Bilbo stuttered and I froze and raised an invisible eyebrow. ' _Really Bilbo?'_

"What about the seasoning?" Well, Bilbo had their attention anyway.

"Well, have you smelt them? You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." He announced loudly and I snickered under my breath. It was a good thing I didn't break out the soap then.

"Traitor!" someone yelled out in outrage. I rolled my eyes. Surely they weren't that dense?

"What do you know about cooking Dwarf?" One asked suspiciously.

"Shut up. Let the flurgaburburhobbit talk." The troll knelt down actually interested in what Bilbo had to say.

"The secret to cooking Dwarf is…" he trailed off eyes glancing around desperate for an idea.

"Yes? Come on. Tell us the secret." The cook presses and Bilbo shifts nervously.

"It's, uh… Yes, I'm telling you. The secret is...to skin them first." He yells out the last part and my heart sinks. Kili and Thorin yell 'no' at the top of their lungs.

"What? Skin us?" Oin asked that dwarf had very selective hearing I swear.

"Tom, get me filleting knife." The cook ordered the stupid looking one. ' _Did the have a giant kitchen somewhere?'_

"I'll skin you, you little...!" Gloin hisses

"I won't forget that. I won't forget it." Dwalin bares his teeth and pointing at Bilbo angrily as he going spinning by on the spit.

"Oh god damn it Bilbo," I whispered hands tightening on my gun. "Couldn't let them marinate? Oh…" A light bulb went off and I pulled myself up a rock.

"What a load of rubbish." I pull myself over the top and stand. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scarf them, I say, boots and all." The third, and most ugly, moved to round the fire towards the pile of bags.

"Shit" I mumble under my breath and pulled my gun out. I jump into the open on the rock and yelled: "Wait!" With one yell I have the attention of everyone in the clearing. I copied Bilbo's statement from earlier. "You are making a terrible mistake."

"Haven't we heard this before?" Toms squeaky rat voice questions.

"Shut up Tom," I pointed my gun at the stupid one. "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to-" I looked expectantly at the cook.

"Bert." He raised a finger and informed me. I nodded in thanks.

"Bert, who obviously knows what he's doing." Thank god for ninth grade theater or else I'd be doing as bad as Bilbo.

"It's nice to have my talent appreciated."

"Yes well, skinning them won't do much good." I began talking like I was giving a lecture. "The smell is far too deep to be rid of with just sage and getting rid of the skin. You've got to draw out the smell. Slather them in a base layer of garlic. Let that sit for about half an hour. Then boil them in a stew of other strong veggies and herbs." I nodded like I didn't just make that up.

Halfway through my speech they started to shout and get angry except for Bilbo who sinks back to the ground.

"What kind of veggies?"

"Well, carrots are always good. And you can't forget the tomatoes. Tomatoes get rid of smells nicely. You wouldn't happen to have any would you?"

"The farmer had plenty in his garden."

"Go get them." I made a shooing motion with my hands. No one moved until Bert ordered him off.

"William go get em," William grumbled but left.

"Bert do you have a pot?" he nods. "Alright good, Tom can you go get it and fill it halfway with water?" he lumbered off. "Bert, could you remove the spit please?" He narrowed his eyes. "You're going to need the fire for the pot."

Bert lifts the spit off the fire and unceremoniously drops the spit near the others. I wince as they hit the ground with a thud. William comes back his arms full of tomato plants. Tom lugging the pot came into view a few moments later.

"Alright." I place my hands on my hips. "Secure the pot over the fire, William. Tom, pick the tomatoes off the vines. Bert, squish them in the pot." Once they were out of tomatoes Bert and I started throwing back and forth what other vegetables would go good adding a few every now and then. It continued like this for a good half an hour, after what William thought to be enough he picked up Bombur and held him over the soup.

"Wait! You can't add him yet." I meet Bombers eyes then Williams. "You need to let the mixture boil first."

Bombur was tossed back onto the pile. "Besides you can't add the cloth. It'll completely ruin the texture and flavor." William huffs and comes closer.

"Just how long do you expect us to wait!?" I held my breath as he huffed in my face. _Please back up._

"Not too much longer." I glanced at the giant face and gulped. His eyes were narrowed in anger and I prayed that I'd actually find a weak point. I had several in mind but probably not enough time to get it wrong.

"You think I don't know what you're up to. This little ferret is taking us for fools."

"Ferret?" I echo

"Fools?"

I sighed and glanced behind me. The sun was starting to rise but it wouldn't be quick enough. "I tried."

A bang echoed through the forest. Williams's eye exploded as the bullet entered. I really hoped that there was enough force for the bullet to enter the skull. William made a strangled noise before falling to the ground with enough force to shake the rock I was standing on. There was a stillness in the clearing before I shot at Bert. He roars in pain but doesn't fall like William. Meaning I missed. Shit.

My eyes met his and I froze. Adrenaline started pumping through me as my body starts to shake.

"Shit." He took two steps toward me and I shot again. He stumbled back and I cursed again. I'd missed it had hit right between the eyes his skull had cracked but I'd really only succeeded in making him angry. His roar rattled my bones.

"Lass, don't just stand there!" The shout sounded far. Wait, no, it was just muted by the pounding of blood in my ears. ' _Really not important right now brain!_ '

He didn't have to tell me twice. I didn't know which dwarf it was but I darted away and disappeared into the trees. I ran as quickly but quietly around the camp. The smaller one spun when a twig snapped. He crouched to try to see me in the trees. Mistake.

There was another bang and he howled clutching his eye and fell backward with a thump. The ugly one's roar of anger froze my blood. He charged like a bull. There were screams for me to move. I held my ground and brought my gun up. One bang, then another. One shot in each eye and the beast fell. Skidding to a stop a foot from me. I could see the mess that used to be his eyes. Blood slowly oozes and the dying troll snarls at me. I coughed from the smell of the trolls breath.

I glanced around to check for any more trolls, before putting another round in each. Holstering my gun, I put my hands on my knees as if I'd just run a marathon. The adrenaline, the stench, the screams reminded me of my world. I pushed back the memories and stood. The fire needed to be taken care of and the sacked dwarves released.

"Razena?" Bilbo called out. "Razena are you alright?!" I sucked in a deep breath held it for a second then shakily released it. Sticking on arm out I gave him a thumbs up.

"I'm good. I'm alright." I stood up straight and let out a slow breath. I jogged over to Bilbo and pulled out my sword. The elven blade slicing the ropes easily.

"Free them will you?" I jutted my chin over to the others. Then turned back to the fire and started shoveling dirt on top of it. A minute late another pair of hands were helping me shovel. As they were freed the dwarves helped put out the fire, but they were silent. I didn't say anything and let them work through the shock.

"By the Valar, what happened here?" Gandalf was poking William with his staff.

"Little late to the party aren't you Gandalf?" I placed my hands on my hips and gave him an unimpressed look. A moment later I was tugged into a hug. Bilbo's face pressing into my stomach.

"Bilbo? What," I swallowed, I almost didn't want to ask. "What are you covered in?" It was sticky and gross.

"Oh uh." He let go and shifted. "Troll boogers." I made a loud noise of disgust and started to frantically wipe myself off. I squeaked in surprise as I was swept off of my feet by a newly dressed Bifur. He didn't seem to mind the troll snot. Probably because he'd almost been roasted alive and troll snot really wasn't a concern compared to that.

"I did not think you were serious lass," Dwalin comments from over where he's helping Balin. Everyone was tense around the unknown weapon carried at my thigh. I could feel them taking glances at it. Only Bilbo and Bifur didn't seem to have a problem with it.

"Nor did you say the contraption was so loud," Bilbo grumbles rubbing at his sensitive ears.

"Sorry, Bilbo I wouldn't have used it if I thought I could have distracted them until sunrise." I apologetically patted his back which was thankfully free of troll boogers.

"You two knew?" Thorin leveled us with an accusing glare.

"Now, now, they weren't the only ones," Balin reminded him.

"You as well, Balin?"

Bifur grunted out a sentence. "Exactly!" Bofur nodded. "Not one of us believed the lassie, not even the wizard." Gandalf gave me a look that almost looked apologetic. Almost.

"A weapon that dangerous should not exist." Gandalf stares through narrowed eyes, I fight the urge to slump.

"It shouldn't but it does. I had hoped not to use it at all," Thorin opened his mouth and I tilted my chin up. "I'd like to remind you that I don't take orders from you or anyone else. It's mine and I'll do with it what I believe is best." He snarls but Gandalf draws him away.

They have a heated conversation but this time Gandalf doesn't go storming off but actually seemed to calm Thorin down. Balin going over halfway through seemed to help as well. Everyone seemed appeased about my weapon at least for now anyway.

Thorin, Gandalf, and Balin wandered back over a few minutes later.

"These trolls could not have moved in daylight. There must be a cave nearby." Gandalf announced loudly standing next to one of the dead bodies.

"And we should find it why?" I asked. Bilbo shrugged and Bofur commented as he adjusted his hat.

"Come on lass. Where is your sense of adventure?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors Notes**

 **I do not own _The Hobbit_**

I am so sorry for how long it has been between updates

* * *

The cave had been found the next day. We'd all agreed that we would like to sleep first. I was exhausted and fell onto my bedroll. I had unpleasant dreams but not nearly enough for me to wake up screaming. Bilbo woke me up with breakfast and I'd packed my bag on autopilot. The gag-inducing smell of the cave nearly made me throw up and I was several feet from the entrance.

"You know what, I think I'll stay out here, in the fresh air." I gave the cave a look. "Have fun with that." I walked over to the trees and sat in the shade. I unloaded my gun shoving the unused bullets back into my pocket. Waiting for my companions to come back out I looked around, the trolls must have uprooted the trees while coming in and out because there were none nearby. Bilbo came and sat with me as well as Ori. I put a hand on Bilbo's shoulder and gave him a look.

"Bilbo we really have to work on your improv. You started out ok but from there… it was…," I made a plummeting motion with my hand and an airplane crash noise. "You walked straight off the cliff you were trying to avoid, there's no other way to explain it."

Ori looked like he really wanted to laugh but a guilty look and Bilbo's reddening face stopped him. Bilbo didn't deny it but cleared his throat uncomfortably. Ori made a sympathetic face and took pity on him.

"Miss Razena, your weapon-"

"My gun?"

"Yes your gun, I was wondering how it worked." He asked subconsciously, holding his book tighter. ' _Right, scribe, gotta take some precautions.'_

"I'll tell you to the best of my ability Ori but you've got to promise me you won't write it down. I really don't want someone to remake it." He looks down at his book and gently places it down in the grass beside him.

"I promise, miss." I smile brightly and I explain what I know which admittedly isn't much. I pulled out my gun from my holster and carefully showed him the different parts. I slowly take it apart explaining each piece and its importance. Ori leans forward hanging on to every word his eyes wide in fascination.

I'm just putting the last piece into its place when the group that went in exited the cave. They bore new swords and bulging gold pouches. _Are trolls like dragons? They certainly had no need for any of that stuff._ Gandalf meandered out last and called Bilbo over.

"You're being summoned Bilbo," I gesture, unneededly, towards Gandalf as Bilbo was getting up. Then caught a glimmer of something in Gandalf's hands I leaned towards Bilbo excitedly. "Do you think he found something in the cave for you?"

He gives me a fond smile while dusting off his trousers. "I am not sure but if he has you will be the first person I tell." I watched as he walked off to the wizard.

He handed Bilbo what looked like a short sword but for the hobbit, it was longer than his arm. Bilbo, the gentle soul he was, tried to refuse. Gandalf seemed to insist and finally, Bilbo accepted. I made a mental note to ask Dwalin if Bilbo could join our training sessions. The group had slowly gathered back together now that everyone was here.

A moment later we heard rustling in the bushes.

"Somethings coming!" Thorin shouted, drawing his new sword. There was a chorus of clinging as numerous weapons were unsheathed at once.

"Stay together! Hurry now! Arm yourselves!" Gandalf moved to the front with a sword and a staff. So the wizard could duel wield, neat. ' _Not important right now Razena!'_ I drew mine as well not confident enough in making a clean shot with so many other people in close range.

"Thieves! Fire! Murder!" Woodsy Santa atop a sleigh pulled by giant bunnies came crashing through the bushes screaming. I lowered my sword in shock and did a double-take. Was this man real? I tried my best not to recoil in disgust when I took in more details. The man had a trail of white flaking bird poop running down the side of his face.

"Radagast," Gandalf laughed relieved and lowered his weapon. "It's Radagast the Brown. Well… What on earth are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you, Gandalf." He answered his eyes wide gleaming with either fear or madness. "Somethings wrong. Something's terribly wrong."

"Yes?" Gandalf raised a brow

"Oh. Just give me a minute. Oh. I had a thought and now I've lost it." Radagast's face scrunched up in frustration. "It was right there on the tip of my tongue," his eyes went wide and he reached into his mouth. He continued to speak around his hand.

"Oh. It's not a thought at all. It's a silly old...stick insect." He held up a stick insect that was at least as long as my finger. I gagged and took a step back noticing Bilbo scrunch up his nose beside me. Gandalf pulled him out of hearing distance from the company. Bofur answered my question before I even opened my mouth.

"Wizard business," he patted me on the shoulder. "Best we stay out of their way." There was much agreement from the surrounding dwarves though Thorins' ever-present scowl had deepened.

'Maybe this wizard was more competent than the great Gandalf...looks can be deceiving.' I glanced back at the pair. He seemed sane enough at the moment. What would I prefer? A mad competent wizard or a cryptic semi-competent one? I rested against a tree and shook my head. I wasn't being fair to Gandalf the vandalizing delinquent. But you know what they say first impressions are important and Gandalf had made a very poor one.

I slid down the tree and closed my eyes relishing the feeling of the sun on my skin. My mind was soon covered in a blanket as I began to doze off.

* * *

A spine chilling howl jerked me from my sleep. My hand automatically reached for my gun as I sprung to my feet. I spun slowly trying to find out which way the sound had come from. My breathing slowed as I strained my ears. My attention was yanked back to the group by a stuttered question from Bilbo.

"Was that a wolf?" He had a white-knuckled grip on his new blade. I made my way closer to him making a 360 turn, eyes scanning the area. "Are there wolves out there?" He glanced at me as I got closer.

"Wolves?" Bofur clutched his weapon closer and answered Bilbo nervously. "No, that is not a wolf." He, as well as everyone else, was also on the lookout for the creature that was apparently not a wolf.

And he was right. Someone cried out in surprise and the group whirled around.

Something much uglier than a wolf appeared at the top of a hill. Its huge fangs on display as it stalked closer. In two bounds it leaped for Dori and shouts of alarm went up. I haven't even moved a step before Thorin and Nori cut it down.

"Kili! Get your bow!" Was bellowed almost as soon as another huge canine head appeared from the foliage behind Thorin. Kili was quick on the draw and the beast fell, rolling down the hill and hitting its head on a tree. It was still moving. Dwalin came crashing down, hitting the creature as one would a whack-a-mole, as Thorin plunges his sword in guaranteeing the beast's death.

The group had huddled together and I released my grip on Bilbo's arm.

"Warg scouts," Thorin announces after pulling his blade free. "Which means an Orc pack is not far behind."

"Orc pack?" Bilbo stutters in eyes wide in terror. My throat constricted and my stomach tried to force its way up. My cursed mind brought up everything I knew about Orcs. It wasn't a lot. I had read about them in a history book Bilbo had. But just by looking at the dread and fear on the faces of the company told me that we were screwed. Gandalf began advancing on Thorin his face thunderous.

"Who did you tell about your quest beyond your kin?"

"No one."

"Who did you tell?" Gandalf bellowed and everyone watched with bated breath.

"No one, I swear," Thorin replied seriously. I'd believe that, seriously, the man doesn't even want Bilbo and I here when we volunteered to help out. "What in Durin's name is going on?"

"You are being hunted," Gandalf announced gravely.

"We have to get out of here." Dwalins eyes darted around the clearing.

"We can't," Ori calls down from the top of a hill with Bifur close behind. "We have no bolted."

"I'll draw them off." Radagast straightens. Everyone turns to him and all hope I had that he wasn't as crazy as he looked, threw themselves out a window.

"These are Gundabad Wargs." Gandalf didn't move but his tone said he wanted to be shaking Radagast by the shoulders, telling him it was a bad idea. "They will outrun you."

"These are Rhosgobel rabbits," Ratagast shoots back full of confidence, a crazy grin spreading over his face. "I'd like to see them try."

I let go of Bilbo as the madman took off on a sleigh pulled by giant rabbits. The howls of the wargs rise in volume before a gleeful laugh cuts through them. The howls fade a little.

"We must move," Gandalf ushers us a way down before we enter the plain. He pauses to peek out from behind a boulder. The joyful laughter and blood-chilling howls carrying across the rocky plains. My heart was pounding in my chest but my breathing was shallow. Making as little noise as I possibly could while keeping up with everybody.

We ran from boulder to boulder, this way and that, as Ratagast kept leading them around in circles. My breathing was heavier now. More than once I had to grab Bilbo's hand to pull him along his shorter legs not moving fast enough. Hobbits are not marathon runners.

Gandalf noticed first. He softly, but sharply, called for us to stop. taking cover behind the nearest boulder. Most of it is too small for me to stand thankfully not all of it. I smashed up behind the taller section with Gandalf.

"Ori, no!" Thorin whispered, yanking said dwarf behind cover, holding the scruff of his tunic. Not two seconds later Radagast and the warg pack came racing through the field that we would have been in. We watch with bated breath as they run past.

There is sniffing and the sound of heavy paws on crumbling rock above us. My body freezes. My breathing is almost nonexistent. Everyone else is quieting their breathing but it sounds too loud to my ears. Thorin and Kili share a look before Kili slowly draws an arrow. Softly releasing a breath he stepped out and fired quickly.

The warg and its orc rider both hit the ground.

Alive.

I can't help but stare at the imminent danger a few feet from me. It was so different from any other dangerous creature in my life, that for a minute my brain stalled. The warg was the same wolf/big cat amalgamate from the forest but the orc was something different. It was dirty and didn't look at all like what I had pictured. Hours of Skyrim and World of Warcraft created an expectation of green skin and tusks but this wasn't that. It was pale white with scars and deformities. It's pointed ears where the only thing I got kind of right in my head. The thing-orc dressed in a leather loincloth looks up with it-his cold eyes and glares. The warg begins to call out, Gloin and Dwalin bring their weapons down upon the creature. The orc follows its mount's example, the sound of it's/his fighting, paired with the wargs cries of pain drew the remaining groups attention.

"MOVE! RUN!" Gandalf bellows and races off and we all take off after him. It's an awful feeling, being hunted. One I had hoped to never feel again. The demented whoops of joy and victorious howls gave them away to their prey. I would have thought it stupid of them if there was some way for us to escape. There were just plains and rocks for miles and with the wargs they could sniff us out if we tried to hide.

The howls and pounding feel slowly get closer.

"There they are!" Gloin booms, pointing at the Oncoming Death. I skidded to a stop only to see them forming almost a u shape in the distance.

"This way!" Gandalf gestures with his staff in a seemingly random direction.

"At times like this," Panting I continued. "I like to take inspiration from influential Models." I remember Dori and started singing under my breath." Just keep running. Just keep running. Just keep running, running, running" Razena sprints alongside Bilbo making sure he keeps up.

Thorin who's at the front of the group stops. A few seconds later I see why two wargs and their riders appear over one of the hills in front of us.

"There's more coming!" Kili yells but when I turn to look at him he's not looking at the same direction as Thorin. Dread curls in my stomach.

I spin and in the distance, in every direction, there is a tiny figure of a warg.

"This is **not** how I wanted to die!" I shouted and kept Bilbo close.

"Kili!" Thorin bellows from across the plains. "Shoot them!"

Shoot them! I reached down and unholstered my gun. They were **not** getting close enough for me to find out if any of Dwalins training stuck.

"We're surrounded!" Fili shouted, raising his sword. Kili was picking them off judging from the thwip of a bowstring. We started to gather in a circle as our hunters tightened their perimeter.

"Where's Gandalf!" I heard Bofur shout and at that moment I looked around for the Wizard not seeing him. I turned back to the closing warg pack and held my gun up to shoot a goblin.

"He's abandoned us!" Dwalin announced

"And go where Dwalin?! Because I'd like to follow him!" I shout back and notice the warg Ori shot was particularly angry after a rock hit him/her. I took aim and fired. The brain of the warg splattered onto its rider as it fell backward. The weight of the warg pinned the orc. The bang caused a few of the wargs to visibly jump and even some of the orcs. Ori looked startled and glanced at his slingshot confused. I then saw Fili shuffle over to the confused dwarf and slapped his head, jerking a thumb towards me.

The wargs hesitated but still moved towards us. Kili shot another Orc and I took aim at the closest warg.

"Hold your ground!"

"This way you fools!" At the previously missing wizard's voice, I quickly look over my shoulder. He's standing there behind a rock staff held in the same hand he was using to gesture us to the group of rocks. I gesture to Bilbo with my head before turning back around to cover their retreat. I shoot two more wargs before Thorin calls for Kili and I.

Kili looks back and I give him a nod. He turns to run and I start to back towards the rocks. I see the wargs ahead of us start to charge us. Before turning to follow Kili, I shot the closest wargs in the head causing them to fall limp and dead. Job done, I bolt towards the rock. Keeping an eye out for unnervingly close wargs or orcs, I spot one drawing back a bow aimed at Thorin and quickly take aim and shoot it in the head. I jumped for Thorin as the arrow was released and started its ark for our main dwarf.

I hit him. My weight was enough to unbalance him from where he had been standing on the edge of the rock.

The seconds it took us to hit the floor brought back memories of rolling down grassy hills as a kid and losing control of your descent. Except this was with another person and way more painful. Limbs got smashed by others and my face was pressed into the rocky ground and dragged at one point. I was grateful that when the awful ride finally stopped only his legs landed on me. He was immediately helped up. I waved off the help just wanting to lay there on my back for a minute. I, of course, did not get my wish. A horn sounded in the distance. Everybody tensed and the sound of a fight echoed into our sanctuary.

With a dying screech, an orc tumbled down into the cave. I rolled to the side when everybody jumped back. The body landed where I had just been. I was halfway to standing when I realized that he was dead. I flopped down onto my stomach and rested my sweaty forehead on the cool floor. My cheek stung and everywhere ached with the sign of forming bruises. I was not going to have a good time tomorrow morning.

"I did not...think that through," I laughed a little bit. It wasn't my first time coming down off my adrenaline high but I had thought that I had had enough near-death experiences to where I wouldn't be so shaken up after. I was wrong. I just wanted to lie here and cry but I knew we had to move. I also really didn't want to cry in front of the entire party.

Bilbo kneels down and puts a hand on my back. "Are you alright?"

"Bilbo, can we get a dog?" I tried to hide behind humor. "Where can I get me one of those fluffy puppies? I want one," I looked up at him from the corner of a watery eye. "I really need animal support right now."

* * *

 **Editors summary**

 _The editors crack summary_

*Warning: cursing*

To summarise we sprinted around and nearly got ran over a bunch of times. It was a bitch. We try to kill shit and fail hard. Gandalf poofs and we get fucking surrounded. Then we see him and then we all book after him. Surprise! We get surrounded in a few seconds. Gandalf showed up from a hole like a gopher and was like "over here you good for nothing mini men trains." We jumped in and Crushed Razena under hot prince ass.


End file.
